Losing the battle
by Love.Nicolette
Summary: After Edward dies to save Bella. Bella breaks down. A reluctant Jasper is there to pick up the pieces. But when it starts to turn into something more, Jasper starts losing the battle to stay away from Bella. RATED M FOR LEMONS - JAS/BEL
1. Chapter 1

**- - - Here's my next big story! I know I haven't written any in a while. But I recently fell in love with the Jasper/Bella pairing. I really hope you like it. It starts a little slow but will heat up soon I promise.**

**xoxo**

**Nikki**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**Pairing : Jasper/Bella**

**Setting: I would say somewhere in the middle of Eclipse. After Edward proposes but before they even learn that Victoria is coming with the newborns. **

**Rating: M for lemons and minor language.**

**XO Chapter 1 OX**

"_Beauty captures their attention, personality captures their heart."_

**XOXOXO**

**Bella's POV - **

The morning had started out, just like any other. Well, like any other if you happened to be madly in love with a vampire, that is.

And now here I was a mere 10 hours later...Waiting for disaster to find me...

"Why don't you just change her now?! They'll see that we took the step to change her and leave!" I heard Alice's voice trill above the panicked voices of the rest of my family. I watched her shoot daggers in Jacob's direction. Appropriately blaming him for her lack of vision.

"You can't be sure of that, Alice. Aro isn't with them and Jane is dying to take things into her own hands. I don't think that changing her now will be enough. Our only choice is to run." Edward growled at his own words. His grip hadn't let up on my hand since Alice had announced the news.

"You know there is no way that we could outrun them, they are already too close." Carlisle was too deep in thought to even open his eyes while he shot down Edwards idea.

"This is stupid! Alice needs to be able to see the outcome of our decisions. Jacob you HAVE to leave!" Jasper bared his fangs at the werewolf. "You're attempt at protecting Bella is going to lead to her demise!"

Jacob stood firm, "You think I'm just going to leave so that you can turn her into a filthy bloodsucker against her will?! You're crazy! I'll stay here and fight."

Jasper snarled, "You're no match for them. All of us together are no match for them! You're condemning us all!"

Jacob tightened his jaw, but didn't budge. For some reason I couldn't bring myself to tell him to leave. I couldn't bring myself to speak. Or move. Or breath.

Emmett stepped in beside Jasper, "I guess we'll just have to move you ourselves!" Twin growls erupted from the brother's throats.

"Stop it! That's not going to help anything!" Esme speaking up caused everyone to jump. She hadn't spoken either since the shock of the visit from the Volturi had hit her. "Jacob you SHOULD leave. We cannot, and will not fight them. You being here is not only putting you in danger, it is endangering my entire family! We will not change her while you are gone. Now please for me; for Bella! Leave!" She glared at him with a ferociousness that rivaled anything I had ever seen. The love she had for her family plainly stamped across her face.

Jacob's jaw loosened, he hesitated, his gaze shifted to Carlisle, "You promise...Do you promise me Carlisle that no one will change her while I'm gone?"

Carlisle opened his eyes and looked up at him, then glanced at Edward, "I promise you, Jacob."

Jacob hesitated again, he bared his teeth at Edward for a fraction of a second, and then he was gone. A few moments later, in the distant woods we heard a wolf howl. A warning.

As soon as Jacob howled, Alice stiffened next to me. We all looked to her and waited out the apparent vision she was having. After a few moments she relaxed from her stiffened pose, but hung her head, "We're too late." She whispered.

In the same moment, Edward snarled and turned toward the edge of the forest. His hand pulled me behind him, and his body tensed. I doubt he even realized that he was crushing my hand. But I couldn't form the words to complain. Fear had stricken me in the worst way. We were out of time, the Volturi had arrived.

**Jasper's POV - **

They were moving almost too noisily, as if they wanted us to know they were coming, as if they were hoping we would run, or maybe they were just trying to torture us with the knowledge that the end was near. I reached my arm around Alice's back, pulling her to me. Her head still hung. She was silent. As all of us were. There were no words. Carlisle, probably the only one able to move at this point, gripped Esme's hand once and then released it, walking in front of Edward and Bella. Probably hoping that Jane and Alec would remember his and Aro's friendship throughout the years, and take mercy on us. 'It won't help!' my mind shouted without provocation.

"Why so tense, friends?" a mocking voice shouted from within the woods. Jane's face was finally within vision a devilish grin lit up her sour features. From the corner of my eye I saw Bella tense and look around as if trying to figure out where the voice had come from, she couldn't see Jane yet. I almost smiled, almost. I would have sent a wave of calm over my family, but they should be tense. They should be cautious. Alert. For Bella, however, I sent a wave of calm. Her fear was getting to me. I shouldn't have tried to comfort her, however. It was her fault we were in this mess. I understand that it was Edward that had stalled her change. But, she should have just married him when he first offered. They should have flew straight to Vegas, they should have drove to the nearest church and done it, been married, if that was really what she wanted, if she was what he really wanted, he shouldn't have hesitated. They shouldn't have worried about a silly piece of paper that declared marriage. They should have just done it! And now, chances are, most of us weren't going to make it out alive. At the very least, she won't make it out alive. I would mourn for her loss, but secretly I would be happy if she was all we lost, if our family stayed intact. Edward roared and his hand curled into a fist. I didn't know if this was because of my last thought, or because the Volturian guard had finally reached the edge of the woods.

"Jane, what a surprise." Carlisle smiled a huge, fake smile. Jane glanced at Alice in my arm. It was no surprise, she knew.

"Let's cut the pleasantries Carlisle, you know why we're here." She paused and inhaled deeply through her nose. She closed her eyes, and sat still for a moment, "And we already have our answer." Obviously she smelled Bella's scent as strongly as I did right now. Her. Very. Human. Scent.

"Aro will be so disappointed." Felix gently lowered the hood on his crimson robe. His gleaming teeth glimmering from between his callous lips.

"Please spare yourselves the tragedy of your families deaths and just hand over the girl." Jane smiled a brilliant smile. She knew we would never make it that easy. Carlisle would never hand Bella over, Edward would never let him. And the rest of us, well, we would stay and fight. Even Rosalie, who didn't care whether Bella lived or died. We would stay and fight and try to protect those we loved.

Carlisle tensed, "You know we can't do that Jane." Something about the way Jane and Felix smiled gave the impression that they were very much hoping that it wouldn't be that easy.

I took in our options...There were about 20 of them. Most of them in hoods. I noticed the small form of what was most likely Alec standing slightly behind Jane.

"Just the girl, Jane." A sickeningly high pitched voice rang out from underneath one of the hoods. Jane immediately frowned, and everyone watched her raise her arm within a fraction of a second and within the same second Edward fell to the ground, still clasping Bella's hand. Bella let out a shriek of terror. Either from Edward writhing in pain, or because he was still clasping her hand, apparently unable to let go. I shuddered when I heard the fragile bones in her hand crack. But everyone seemed stunned into stone. Barely a second had passed, I reluctantly released my hold on Alice. Who still hadn't looked up. She knew something. I quickly went to Bella's side and struggled to break Edward's hold on Bella's hand as he bucked and struggled on the ground in pain. Once her hand was free she knelt at his side.

"Stop it! Stop it! Just take me! You can have me!" She screamed at Jane. Then I felt it, the cloud that was Alec's power coming for my family. The ability to incapacitate all of us. It had already covered Carlisle and Esme and they stood dumbstruck, leaving a slack expression on their faces. Without thinking, I grabbed Bella around the waist and pulled her away from the cloud as Edwards writhing stopped abruptly.

One second we stood by Edwards form, the next we stood about 20 feet behind my family now while they all stood unmoving, covered in Alec's power. Bella kicked and pulled away from me, she wanted to run forward and sacrifice herself to them to save our family. Why didn't I let her? Why was I still holding her away? It had been all of 15 seconds since Edward had first fell. And the fog had covered the family. I could feel Alec strain to push the cloud further to stop us both as well.

Suddenly, a burning fire hit me, I immediately let go of Bella as I fell to the floor in agony. Apparently Jane had turned her attention to me. Bella stepped toward me at first, with tears streaming from her eyes, but then she began to move away, toward the Volturi, but again I couldn't let her! Even when I felt as if my mind would explode with the searing pain that Jane was inflicting upon me I still managed to keep my priorities in order, my hand reached out and snatched Bella by the ankle, effectively tripping her. She hit the ground hard, struggling to free herself from my hold, but I would not let her go. Something deep within me was telling me to hold on, although there was absolutely no hope, even though I knew we would all die. That nothing was stopping them from walking right up and ripping my arm off while stealing Bella away. I couldn't let her go. The pain increased. I struggled to hold on to Bella without crushing her tiny ankle in my grasp. Every ounce of my energy was being used just to keep my mind on detaining Bella. Somewhere else, deep in my mind I noticed that the Volturi were advancing, they would take her any second. Then...The pain stopped. A growling started. And suddenly ten furry, ravenous, creatures jumped into the clearing. There pounding paws shook the ground that Bella and I sat upon. I closed my eyes, perhaps there was a chance. Hope flooded through my dry veins as I pulled Bella to me. Wrapping my arms around her while still sitting on the ground. I searched for Edward. He had to come and detain her himself while I helped fight!

I found him in an instant, he and the rest of my family fought with the werewolves.

"No! NO!! Stop! Just let them take me!! PLEASE!" Bella's tormented shrieks pulled at my heartstrings. I couldn't let her go though, she would...

Do exactly what I should WANT her to do! Walk up and stop the fighting! Sacrifice herself! Save my family, my Alice! Why didn't I let her go!?

"Edward!" I snarled. He needed to come and grab this girl before I let her sacrifice herself. He needed to let me help our family fight. Help protect them! But he wouldn't listen, "Edward now!" I shouted, he didn't even flinch. Didn't even look in my direction. I stopped trying to shout to him, I moved my attention to Bella.

"Bella listen to me." I tried to use my most authoritative voice and let a wave of calm engulf us both. Suddenly it felt strange for me to be holding her up against me this way, her sitting between my legs as my arms kept her arms tight against her body. In an instant I flipped her around so she was on her knees looking into my face. My hands still gripped her arms, holding her still. "LISTEN!" I shook her once. She stopped fighting against me but stared back into my eyes with nothing but anguish marring her beautiful features. "Bella," I said softer this time, "They aren't going to stop fighting just because you run over there." She started to argue but I stopped her, "No Bella. They'll kill you in a heartbeat. And then continue to fight the rest of us. Your death means nothing to them now. I need you to stay here so that I can go fight, can you do that Bella?" I waited very impatiently for her answer. Sending fresh waves of calm lapping over each of us.

Fresh tears rolled down her face, "I don't want - " the terror in my eyes must have stopped her sentence. Felix was charging at the two of us. I stood in an instant and pulled Bella behind me, I crouched low preparing to pounce at him, but something hit him from the side. A blur of black and bronze. Edward.

"EDWARD!" Bella shrieked again. Two more of the Volturi's guards advanced on Edward lunging at him from what seemed like thin air. I let go of Bella's hand and ran to help him, but in the same instant a sickening ripping sound tore through the air. Followed by another and another. They were tearing Edward apart. They quickly finished. And then Felix and the two unknown vampires turned their attention to Bella and I. Time seemed to move in slow motion. Behind the three guards I saw the remains of Edward Cullen, now a small pile of pale rock and black cloth. My stomach reeled. If I had the ability to throw up, I would have. I heard air rushing behind me as Bella began to fall and I quickly turned, catching her with one arm and in the same movement I flung her over my shoulder and took off full speed into the woods. I heard the lithe footsteps of two guards behind me, I couldn't ease up for a second. I couldn't hesitate one moment. I could only run, run and try to protect the precious cargo on my shoulder that had cost me my brother and god knows who else in my family. But I had to keep running. Because protecting Bella was all I could do for him now. The smell of smoke hit my nose, and I tried not to think of it being my brothers remains being blackened and charred in the clearing far behind us.

**Bella's POV - **

My eyes fluttered open, to a canopy of green leaves above my head. The ground felt wet and sticky under my body. As if I was being sucked down into very thick mud. I sat up slowly, vertigo hitting me in an instant. I couldn't remember dreaming, I looked around and saw a figure sitting beneath a tree a few feet from where I lay. His long white fingers gripping his thick blond hair in a painful looking way. His head was down, hiding his face, and every few seconds his hands seemed to grip his hair more tightly, if that was possible. Jasper looked horrible, I tried to think of why he would be hurting. And it all hit me full force. I flopped back down to the Earth curling up in a small ball upon the unforgiving cold ground. My hands curled inward grasping at my shirt or my hair, whatever they could find. A stabbing pain shot up my arm coming from my left hand, but I didn't care. All I could think of was Edward writhing in pain, Edward lunging at the monsters, Felix and two other members of the guard ripping him to pieces in the clearing. I heard a shriek of unimaginable pain echo off the trees around me. I realized shortly after that it had been me that made the noise. My body began to convulse with the memories and sadness that struck me. And my stomach heaved as I threw up yellow bile onto the mud. My stomach heaved again, nothing came this time, I hadn't eaten. My body convulsed again, my mind screamed in my head, _he can't be gone, he can't be gone, he can't be gone..._

Finally the tears came and my body wracked in sobs. I couldn't even bring myself to ask Jasper what had happened, why we were sitting here in the middle of the woods. What was going on. Who was dead. I was afraid of the answers. I choked out another sob, not even bothering to compose myself. But as I did I heard another groan echo with my own. I stopped breathing for a moment. Of course Jasper was suffering too. And it was my fault. _My fault, my fault..._

Somehow I gathered enough strength to look over at Jasper, he hadn't lifted his head, but obviously he knew I was awake. His clothes were tattered and the light that managed to slip through the canopy of leaves above hit his skin, throwing rainbows off of the hundreds of bite marks that marred the skin of his arms legs and neck. For a moment his pain overshadowed my own and I was able to articulate words,

"Jas...Jasper?" My voice sounded hoarse and very dry. He didn't look up, he didn't say a word. "Jasper...who..." I couldn't bring myself to finish my sentence, who was left? Who was still alive, and most importantly who had died because of me?

He took in a deep breath, "Edward...Didn't make it. Two of the wolves were destroyed as well." His voice wasn't the usual masculine ring, it was broken and rough. He took another slow breath, "They want us to stay away for a little while longer, while they..." He choked back a sob, "while they...Clean up. Then we'll head back toward Washington."

I stopped breathing. I wonder how far we had come how long Jasper had carried me to try and protect me from the Volturi. I wondered how long it would take for the pain of Edward being gone to hit me again. But I knew Jasper was keeping the pain from me. I wondered in my state of calm which two wolves had been lost. and the pain hit me again. But Jasper was obviously working very hard to keep my pain and sadness from me. I wondered if that was what I really wanted. Wouldn't I rather feel the pain? Would the pain kill me if Jasper weren't here to send fresh waves of calm over me?

"Jasper, please." I whispered, "You can't keep it from me forever." As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt the calm vanish. The pain and sorrow hit me full force and I gripped the ground with my fingers, fresh dirt digging deep under my finger nails. Fresh currents of pain shot up my arm from my broken hand. I let my face fall to the side, not caring that the mud would cling to my face and hair, the sadness was overpowering and refused to let me even take a breath. I lay there and finally my body reacted to the lack of oxygen. A sharp hissing noise filled the air when I slowly pulled oxygen in through my clenched teeth. I would never live again, the pain would never leave, my mind would never clear. I would never see Edward again.

It was day one.

**XOXOXO**

**So what do ya think? Lemme know! (By reviewing of course!) I will be updating frequently! Considering I have nothing else to do but daydream about this story! Lots of Jasper/Bella goodness coming.**

**Yours truly,**

**Nikki**


	2. Chapter 2

**- - Here's the next installment. Told you you wouldn't have to wait very long! Enjoy!**

**xoxo**

**Nikki**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**Pairing : Jasper/Bella**

**Setting: I would say somewhere in the middle of Eclipse. After Edward proposes but before they even learn that Victoria is coming with the newborns. **

**Rating: M for lemons and minor language.**

**Chapter dedication:** **This one goes out to 'mckennaismyworld' for being my very first reviewer for this story. Thanks so much!**

**Also, thanks to: NCChris, lilquackers77, LoveStoryFan, Great Hiroshi, and rickiebeaumont for also reviewing on the last chapter!**

**XO - Chapter 2 – OX**

"_Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?" - Christopher Marlowe_

**XOXOXO**

**Bella's POV - **

We had been walking silently for what seemed like days...In reality it had only been a few hours. Or perhaps it had been a few weeks. I didn't know. My mind was having enough trouble forcing my feet to move forward...First one foot, then the next. I wondered vaguely if Jasper was terribly annoyed with my so much less than quick pace. But if he was, he didn't voice it. I also wondered if he was altering my emotions. If the hurt had only ebbed enough for me to be able to walk because he willed it. I felt like I was in a haze. Each moment trying to focus on _nothing. _Nothing but my feet moving slowly and the dried leaves that crunched beneath my shoes. When Jasper spoke, it startled me,

"We're almost to the highway now. Would you like for me to...carry you the rest of the way?" He seemed reluctant to offer. I looked into his deep black orbs and smiled ruefully. It would be too ironic for him to kill me now, after he carried me all this way to save me. I watched his lips twitch in a hesitant smile back. He understood my pause. And I his. We didn't say any more, just walked, and I turned my focus back to my feet, and the crunching of the leaves once again.

After what seemed like several more hours, or days, or minutes...Again, I wasn't keeping track. I noticed that the ground beneath my feet changed from crunching leaves to hard black asphalt. Strong hands clamped on my arms and pulled me away from the road as something sped by at an alarming speed taking the wind from my lungs with it. Jasper growled,

"I didn't know you were planning on walking straight into the street." He barked. Just then a ringing in his pocket distracted him, he flipped the phone open and pressed it to his ear, turning and speaking in a low murmur to whomever had bothered to call. I was very thankful for his distraction, as the tears began to fill my eyes once again. I heard the phone snap shut. He turned to face me. And I watched him roll his eyes in annoyance,

"You need to stop crying, Bella. It's not doing us any good." Another car whizzed by a few feet from where we stood. "People are going to think I'm kidnapping you."

"I'm...so...sor..." My face crumbled, and I fell to my knees. Unable to finish my sentence. I heard his sigh and sobbed harder as he knelt in front of me. It hurt to know that he viewed me as weak. I would have been better off with Rosalie carrying me to safety! I _expected_ her to bark at me. The thought of Rosalie sent me into yet another sobbing fit. She would hate me even more now! And now she had good reason! I would be lucky if she didn't maul me the second she saw me! I killed her brother! I destroyed her family!

But, suddenly the tension in my heart eased. And the tears stopped and stayed behind my lashes. I tried to catch my breath. But how dare he! Why should he waste his energy trying to keep me from being sad? I _deserved_ what I was feeling. "Q – quit it Jasper...Please." He stopped comforting me again immediately. As soon as I had asked, and I felt some remorse for asking him to stop.

"Finally." I heard him whisper. And he straightened to a stand. I heard another set of wheels coming up behind us. And I turned my face enough to recognize Carlisle's black Mercedes begin to slow on the road next to us. I looked back at Jasper, he held his hand down to me, offering to help me up from the ground. I reached up with my unbroken hand and accepted it. I really didn't think that I could get up on my own. Our hands touched, and instantly I felt a surge of doubt and sadness that seemingly transferred from his body to mine by that simple touch. I realized that I was now feeling _his_ pain not just my own. But there was something else, a deep warmth that seemed to shoot up my arm despite his cold hand. I looked up and met his eyes, his face held the same confused look that I'm sure mine did. Had I never touched his skin before? I tried to think back to the clearing, as he struggled to hold me back from sacrificing myself. But immediately pushed that thought aside. I'm sure at the time I would not have noticed if someone had touched me with a red hot coal, let alone the subtle warm spark of Jasper's touch.

He pulled me up from the ground effortlessly. And held my hand as he guided me past the leaves and gravel up to the car. He opened the door and offered a weak smile to Alice, who sat on the drivers side. He helped me into the back seat and then placed himself gracefully into the passenger side of the car.

**Jasper's POV -**

The car was silent as we drove down the twisting roads finally crossing the border once again between Canada and Washington, I could have listened to the quiet background music Alice had put on, but instead I listened to Bella's shallow breathing as she sat behind me. I would have thought that she had fallen asleep, but every few moments I heard her throat constrict as she choked back another sob. I looked over at Alice, she hadn't taking her eyes off the road in over an hour and she hadn't said a word since we'd gotten in the car over two hours ago. I noticed that she was driving the speed limit. Very strange for her. But none of us really were in a hurry to get anywhere. I wondered how many cars she had had to maneuver to be able to get Carlisle's car out of the garage. She wouldn't have wanted to take Edward's car to pick up Bella, and certainly not the yellow Porsche that Edward had given her. But had Rosalie and Emmett left because of Edwards death? Taking Emmetts jeep with them? I smiled to myself. It seemed like a silly thing to even worry about now. Sure I would miss my brother, Emmett but having Rosalie out of the house could never be a bad thing. But would they leave? Knowing that Carlisle and Esme would accept Bella back into their lives as if Edward had never died? Alice finally broke the silence,

"So. Where to?" She spoke evenly. Not in a morose or empathetic way. She spoke as if the entire world hadn't changed in one single day. Bella started behind me. I could feel the guilt wash over her once again.

"Are you asking...me?" Bella asked tentatively.

"No, I'm asking Jasper...as if he actually has a say." Alice giggled. I looked at her in awe and felt the anger billow, was she really going to sit there and pretend as if nothing happened? Was she going to joke and kid, not even 24 hours after Edward's death? I looked away and into the side mirror to my right. Seeing Bella's face, her reaction to Alice's joke seemingly the same as mine. Shock and awe.

Alice sighed heavily, "Look I'm just asking, do you feel comfortable going back to our house? Or would you rather go back to Charlie? He's worried sick. But we can keep him away for a couple more days at least..." She trailed off.

Bella was silent for a moment, then responded with a question. "Did you know, Alice?" she paused, "Did you know that he was going to...to..." I felt the anguish flood her once again and I ground my teeth together. But found myself suddenly curious too. So I asked the question she could not finish.

"Did you know that he was going to die?" I turned my head toward Alice, "Even before the vulturi arrived?"

Alice's jaw tightened too. She shook her head for a moment, but then sighed, "Yes," she admitted, "I saw most of it."

This information brought me no comfort. But what was I to do? Blame Alice simply for knowing the outcome of the fight before it took place?

"No," I heard Bella whisper from the backseat. At first I thought she had read my mind, that she was answering my silent question. But she continued, "I don't want to...hurt Charlie too. I think I would rather go home." I felt the guilt hit her once again. I wondered if she would ever come back to our home again. If it would be too hard for her to see us or to see the home that she had spent so much time with Edward in. Although, I was sure she had had many good times with Edward in her own home.

At that thought a demon, deep within my chest, somewhere in the confines of my still heart, growled in warning. The emotion caught me off guard and I gasped. Alice's head snapped to look at me and I felt Bella move in the seat behind me.

"Sorry..." I whispered, but offered no explanation. What _was _that? Why would the thought of Edward spending time with Bella bother me at all? I felt the beast growl again. Could I really be feeling a pang of jealousy for my dead brother? The anguish washed over me.

"Jasper, you're not helping things." Alice hissed. I pulled the anguish back immediately. I hadn't realized that it was emanating throughout the confines of the car. I suddenly smelled the fresh tears seeping from Bella's eyes. And felt my eyes prick, as if they wanted to tear themselves, but of course, no tears came, and we sat through the remainder of the car ride in silence.

**Bella's POV -**

I stared out the window and slowly started noticing more and more familiar landmarks. We weren't far from home now.

"I think," Alice looked at me over her shoulder, "that we should get all of your questions, and...my questions out of the way now. Get it all done and over with. We don't have to drag it on for days."

I thought about that for a moment. What did she mean drag it on for days? Of course we would _all_ be morning for days, more than days! Weeks! Years! Forever! I saw no end to it. But perhaps she herself didn't want to talk about it after today. I took a deep breath, preparing to speak again, hoping I could manage to articulate a _complete_ sentence this time.

"Yeah sure." I let the rest of the air out slowly. Was that really all my mind could come up with? I sat for a moment, then braced myself for my first question. "Which two werewolves..." Before I could even attempt to finish my sentence Alice answered,

"Quil and Jared are dead." She said bluntly.

"Oh." I said back. Not sure what else to say. My heart throbbed again. No one spoke.

Alice sighed, and began speaking in her most reassuring voice, "Everything is going to be fine now. During the battle, after you two disappeared," she looked at me then back to Jasper, "Aro showed up out of no where. He was very upset with the way things had turned out. Said the blame should be on Edward for not changing Bella like he said he would," she flinched at the name, "and that because he was dead, there was no more debt to be paid." She shrugged. SHRUGGED! And added, "He apologized to Carlisle and left with his guard. Minus 2. It took Seth, Jacob and Emmett just to take down Felix and one of the creatures that followed after you two.

"The other one turned around after we hit the border." Jasper added. Filling me in.

"And I have one question." Alice started after another minute of silence, "What made you decide to take Bella and just run for 12 hours without telling anyone where you were going?" She looked at Jasper.

He sighed, "I don't know. We saw what happened to Edward. The volturi turned on Bella and I...And I guess I wasn't sure I could keep them away from her. So we ran." He paused, then added, "It didn't help that she fainted. AND was trying to commit suicide by handing herself over to the vulturi the entire time." Alice nodded. I shifted in my seat uncomfortably. And tried my best to sit still. I watched the sky from the sunroof. Slowly it turned from a light pink sunset into a deep dark blue.

"We're here." Alice's voice rang out after another half an hour of driving. And sure enough I looked out the window and there was my house. But Charlie's cruiser was missing.

"It's nearly 10:00 pm. He should be on his way home right now." Jasper added. I tried to smile. I don't know if it worked. Jasper was out in the blink of an eye to open my car door. I touched his hand again as he helped me out of the backseat. Feeling once again that spark of warmth that seemed to emanate from his very being, but also feeling his pain and sadness as well.

"Goodnight Bella." He smiled, "We'll try to make sure you aren't alone tonight. Get some sleep." I lifted my hand in goodbye and slowly turned to make my way toward the house. I heard the Mercedes pull away behind me, but I didn't turn to watch them leave.

**Jasper's POV - **

It was torture being inside the Cullen house. Imagine the pain you would feel over losing a brother, then double it, then add the pain of losing a son, and double that. What you end up with, was a hurricane of nothing but anxiety, pain, grief, sorrow, self-pity and most of all an overwhelming sense of guilt. Everyone blamed themselves. For not saving Edward, for not changing Bella themselves, for not running...The list went on and on.

I felt as if my mind was set to burst at any moment. If it weren't for the quick hunting trip that Alice and I had taken after dropping Bella off, it probably would have already.

I was right, Rosalie and Emmett DID leave. Apparently they left immediately after the Volturi. Rosalie asked Carlisle simply, 'Is she going to be allowed to come back?' and when she got her answer. Her and a reluctant Emmett packed up and left. Esme was perhaps the most heartbroken. Excluding Bella, of course.

"I think we should watch her." Carlisle spoke up, "Make sure she doesn't do anything...that we'll all regret."

"I was thinking the same thing." I chimed in, "I told her that we wouldn't leave her to deal with this alone."

"Are you going to go then?" Alice asked. I was surprised that she didn't already know. I hadn't thought about _me_ going. But perhaps it was a good idea. I could deal with one persons pain. Much easier than three vampire's pain. As soon as I had that thought. Alice's face went slack. After a moment she sighed.

"Yes. I suppose you are. It's better that you go. She probably wouldn't get any sleep without your help."

I wondered for the millionth time how they could all be so forgiving. Why they cared so much about Bella's well being. What was so special about Bella? But I knew the answer. Edward. Because of his love for her, our family had grown to love her as well. Some more than others. But it was for that reason that I should agree to go watch after her tonight. For Edward.

"Yeah. I'll change and go out there tonight." It was almost strange not having her with me. Although I hate to admit it. I felt a new strange connection with the girl that I didn't have before yesterday. We had witnessed together Edward's death. I had saved her life. And I brought her back to her family. That did strange things to a man.

For a moment my mind lingered to the touch we had shared this afternoon. The strange way she looked at me when I held her hand. I wondered if it had reminded her of Edward.

15 minutes later I was sitting in a tree outside her bedroom window. I could hear the water falling from the faucet in the shower. A few more minutes of waiting and the water stopped. A door creaked open and Bella walked into her bedroom looking around as if expecting one of us to be sitting in the rocking chair in the corner. She cautiously looked out the window, but I knew she wouldn't be able to see me from where I was crouched. She slid open the window with one hand and then turned away.

Why didn't I make myself known? I still don't know.

She walked to the other side of the room. Rifling through a blue laundry basket full of clean clothes on the floor next to her door. I should have anticipated it, I should have realized what she was about to do. But by the time I did realize it, it was too late. She dropped the towel.

The beast inside my chest purred. I couldn't bring myself to look away. The long dark tendrils of her hair clung to her back just below her shoulder blades. The creamy white skin of her thighs seemed to go on forever and I watched as a trickle of water fell from her hair, down her back, across her left buttock and slowly rolled it's way down her leg until it made a dark imprint on the towel she had shed at her feet.

Gathering composure enough to be able to look away was difficult.

But I did it.

I turned my head and listened intently as I heard the fabric of her underwear slide into place, another rustle of fabric that I assumed were her pajama pants, and finally I heard one last rustle of clothing and slip of wet hair as she pulled on a shirt. I jumped out of the tree. Then back up. Making my ascent loud enough for even _her_ to hear and putting myself in the perfect position for her to see me. She would think I had just gotten here. Not that I had watched the whole show. Or. Most of it. My plan worked. She heard the leaves shift as I jumped noisily on the branch and ran to the window.

"Alice?" She whispered.

Suddenly I felt embarrassed. Alice _should_ be the one here. It made sense for her to be here.

Why was I here?!

"Alice, are you there?" She whispered again.

I cleared my throat. Although it wasn't necessary. "No, sorry. Just me."

She spotted me then. "Oh." There was an awkward pause.

"You don't have to worry about anything. I'll be here all night." I stopped, "To help you sleep." I added. Why was I suddenly so nervous?

She smiled sheepishly, "Thank you. I called Charlie at the station. He's furious. But he's busy looking for some little boy who went missing. He told me to get some sleep and he'll talk to me tomorrow."

I smiled back, "He's probably just happy you're home and safe."

"Yeah..." She trailed off. "I guess I'll just try to get some sleep then...I'm pretty exhausted."

"Goodnight." Was all I could think of to say. Although it was appropriate, it still felt awkward.

"Goodnight." She whispered back. She flipped the light switch off. I watched as she climbed into her bed and as soon as she had the covers wrapped around her I sent her a wave of calm.

"Thank you." She whispered.

I sat on my branch. Leaning back to watch the stars, while breaking off pieces of twig from the branch above me.

After a time, I heard what was most likely Charlie's police cruiser pull into the driveway. He stomped noisily up the stairs. Then cracked Bella's door.

"Bella?" He said in a harsh whisper.

"Yeah dad, I'm here." She said back. Sounding completely awake.

"We'll talk in the morning." He whispered back, a little louder this time. Then closed the door, five footsteps and I heard his bedroom door creak shut as well. I leaned back onto the branch. And continued picking constellations out of the night sky.

"Jasper?" Her whisper broke my concentration.

"Yes?" I responded. I watched as she sat up in bed, I sat up too.

"Do you think you could..." She cleared her throat. "Would you mind terribly. Staying in here? I'm sure you'd be more comfortable." I smiled, she smiled too. Knowing that it didn't matter where I sat. I was never comfortable or uncomfortable.

"Bella...." I began. She stopped me with her voice.

"Okay, really. I think I would be more comfortable with you in here. Instead of sitting in a tree outside my window." She stopped, "But if it bothers you to be in here...I understand." I frowned. Did she think me weak too? That I couldn't sit inside her room. With her smell all around and keep myself from wanting to kill her?

Without answering her I launched myself through her window. Landing on the balls of my feet. She gasped. Then smiled.

"Thanks." She mumbled. I smiled in response, although I doubt she could see it in the darkened room. I walked over to the window and closed it. Then sat on the bed next to her. On top of the covers. Leaning my back against the wall. I felt a strange emotion coming from her and I looked at her. She glanced at the rocking chair in the corner and then to where I sat on her bed.

Oh.

Yeah.

Why in the world I decided to sit with her on the bed rather than in the rocking chair was beyond me. But she was the one who wanted me in here! She should be happy with where ever I chose to sit. So I ignored her silent question and folded my hands over my stomach, closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the wall. Acting as if I were resting.

She apparently didn't mind enough to ask me to get off of her bed, she simply whispered, "Thank you Jasper. For everything."

During the night she tossed and turned often, despite the waves of calm I sent in her direction. She whispered Edward's name from time to time. And that was a torture in itself. She missed him, like we all would. Would she ever be the same? Would she ever stop grieving over her loss? She was still tossing. I concentrated on sending all the calm I could possibly muster to her, and finally she stretched her arm out in her sleep while turning to lay on her stomach. Coming to rest on the exposed skin of my forearm. The touch sent a wave of sensation to my core. I sat solid as stone. My eyes boring into the spot where her dainty forefinger rubbed over one of the crescent shaped scars on my arm. My eyes closed. Reveling once again to the feel of her skin on mine. I listened to her breathing, she was still asleep. But her finger brushed back and forth. Feeling the bump the scar created.

"Jasper." The word escaped her lips in an almost silent whisper like yet another caress upon my skin. She said it as if she was identifying that I wasn't Edward simply by the scar on my skin. I wondered if her dreams were always that vivid. I looked at the clock. 5:15 am.

_It was day two._

**XOXOXO**

**- - Make sure to REVIEW! **

**Thank you!**

**Yours truly, **

**Nikki**


	3. Chapter 3

**- - - Chapter three! Things are starting to heat up for our duo.**

**xoxo**

**Nikki**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**Setting: I would say somewhere in the middle of Eclipse. After Edward proposes but before they learn that Victoria is coming with the newborns. **

**Chapter dedication:** **This one is for 'NCChris' for providing meaningful insight into the mind of one of my readers. Thank you!**

**XO - Chapter 3 – OX**

"_Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." - Robert Frost_

**XOXOXO**

**Jasper's POV - **

Her father must not have to work. I was expecting to have him be my reason to leave in the early morning. But here it was, already past 11:00 am and not a peep had come from either Charlie's room or Bella's sleeping form. I sighed audibly. It's not as if I was in a huge hurry to leave. I would actually guess that this was about as comfortable as a vampire gets. Bella hadn't moved an inch. If it weren't for the warm rich blood that pounded through her veins I would have thought her dead. Her hand had stopped it's ministrations on my arm hours ago. But was still placed there. And although it had been hours, the warmth of her hand had only seemed to increase.

_That_ was why I wanted to leave. Okay, let me rephrase that. That was why I should have left already.

I sighed a second time. The fact that I should leave, wasn't the question here.

Suddenly I felt eyes on me. I looked down and Bella lay with her eyes open staring into my side. For a moment her emotions seemed calm and rested. But after about half a second it changed to confusion, most likely from waking up to find me in her bed, and then abruptly to complete and utter torture. Three and a half seconds. That was how long it took Bella to remember that Edward was gone after waking. I filed that away in my head. Perhaps if each morning it was taking a little longer. That meant she was on the mend. On the road to getting better.

What? Did I plan on being with her every morning to count the seconds? Of. Course. Not.

Shit. I had made a decision. No doubt Alice would be seeing that one.

"Jasper?" I looked down. Bella had removed her hand from my arm. She was blushing. "I didn't think you would stay all night."

"I had planned on leaving when you're father got up. But he's still sleeping." I admitted and looked away toward the window.

We sat silent for a moment. I wondered if it was time to say my farewells. Probably. We began moving at the same moment. She threw the covers back, and I stood. The cover falling back onto the bed sent a wave of her fragrance in my direction. I inhaled deeply. If my goal was to help this insignificant girl through her heartbreak I would have to get used to being around her. Without wanting to drink her blood.

"I guess I'll get going now. Let me know if you need anything else, darlin'." I cringed at the last word. Alice had told me plenty of times that the term was out dated, that this wasn't the 1800's and hardly anyone even knew who Clint Eastwood was anymore.

But Bella's reaction was quite different. She simply smiled the largest smile I'd ever seen on her face. It was embarrassing.

I dropped my gaze toward the blue rug on the floor and shoved my hands in my pockets. "Just give me a call." And then I left. Opening the window and jumping out of it in one fluid motion. Running through the forest at breakneck speed. Trying my best to get away from her tousled burgundy hair and her deep brown eyes full of pain and misery. I ran without purpose. But found one when I crossed the scent of a pack of black-tailed deer about 40 yards away.

**Bella's POV - **

I stared at the window he had just disappeared out of in disbelief. I'd just witnessed the cutest spectacle I'd ever seen from a full grown man. Or, well, vampire that is. Let's face it. That southern drawl could bring any girl to her knees. I was half expecting him to say, 'aw shucks' and kick at the air. And I had woken up with my _hand_ on him no less. How embarrassing.

I didn't have to think about it very long. Jasper was only a momentary distraction. The pain still came back. Willing itself into my very bones. I crumpled under the weight of it. Falling slowly, until my knees hit the carpeted floor and my body leaned against my dresser for support. My face in my hands. And more tears came.

**Jasper's POV - **

After hunting for the second time in the last 24 hours I made it back to the house. I noticed immediately that Alice's yellow Porsche was missing. On the living room coffee table I noticed a small note, and read the message written in Alice's elegant script:

"_Jasper, we need a chance to talk. Carlisle and Esme decided to take some vacation time and visit Isle Esme. I think they both needed time to think. Oh! And I thought you were going to try to be home earlier this morning? Don't worry. I know it wasn't your fault. I decided to go shopping. I'll be back later this evening. _

_Alice"_

I had stopped breathing after the first sentence. 'we need to talk'. The one thing no boyfriend, or husband, or fiance never wants to hear. Was she upset? Had she seen something between Bella and I? I shook off that last thought. What could she see? There was nothing there.

I tried to convince myself that I was feeling...abnormal...things for Bella simply because I was so closely tied to her emotions.

I tried.

I failed.

I dropped the note back onto the table and ran my hands over my face. What was I getting myself in to? I walked over to my favorite white recliner and planted myself there. I would sit here and prepare myself for Alice and I's 'talk'.

I fixated my eyes on the kitchen microwave. Watching the numbers change slowly each minute. When had I become so impatient? When you're a vampire, what did you have, but time? I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. Reading over one of my favorite books in my minds eye. But the image of the words kept becoming blurred. And before I knew it, I was thinking of her. Of Bella. She had been beyond miserable since Edward's death. Not that anyone expected anything less from her. But it seemed as if every time her and I would touch that there was this shock of...what I can only describe as, surprise. And that ...surprise... for a brief moment overshadowed any emotion she was feeling. No matter how terrible she was feeling. It was amazing. One glance. One simple touch from me. And she forgot about her sorrow. It made me feel...

Important. Wanted. Needed. Like I had a purpose. Like my gift didn't have to be useful only in battles and in bloodshed.

She'd done this to me once before. The only time I could remember spending any real time with Bella. When Alice and I had taken her to the hotel room in Arizona to help protect her from James. She had needed me then too.

I choked out a laugh. How pathetic did I sound? I was a _vampire_. Who _needs_ a vampire?

I opened my eyes and looked at the clock. I'd been sitting for nearly twelve hours. It was nearing midnight. Where was Alice? I picked up my phone and rifled through the contacts until I found her name. The phone rang twice, and then went to her voicemail. I growled as I slapped the phone shut. I stood, raking my fingers through my hair. Making it stand up on end. Bella would be going to bed soon. Or perhaps she was in bed already. Did she need me now? Could she sleep without me? I was tired of waiting for Alice. She would know where to find me. Because _I _didn't disappear for hours on end without her knowing exactly where I was. I grabbed my suede jacket that I didn't need, and wouldn't use, off of the coat rack before marching out the door. Then about fifteen quick paces away from the door I changed my mind. Opened the door back up, and threw the coat inside. There was no reason to keep up appearances tonight, no human would be seeing me. Except for Bella. And I was beginning to think her more a siren than a human girl.

I was outside her window again. It was absolutely freezing outside, and yet, her window was open. Was she waiting for me? Was she hoping I would come although I hadn't mentioned coming back? I threw myself once again the open window. And heard her gasp while I immediately turned around to close the window. She was in bed already. But obviously not asleep.

"Jasper." She let out the breath she'd been holding.

I gestured toward the window, "Why would you --" .

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!" She shouted at me in a whisper. My heart sank momentarily. So she hadn't opened the window for me. I suddenly felt embarrassed again. But she wasn't finished.

"YOU CAN'T JUST SWOOP IN HERE LIKE YOU OWN THE PLACE! YOU HAVE TO WARN PEOPLE BEFORE YOU JUST LEAP INTO THEIR ROOMS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!" I waited until I was sure she was finished.

"I'm sorry." I didn't know what else to say. I turned and opened the window.

"WAIT!" She whispered again. I froze and looked back at her. "Where do you think you're going!?" Her whisper was less harsh now.

What was wrong with this girl? First she yells at me for being in her room, then she questions me when I apologize and try to leave? I frowned.

"I came to check and make sure you were sleeping okay. When I saw the window open I assumed it was okay for me to..." I paused, to what? Come in? Scare her half to death? Get a closer look? Luckily she didn't wait for me to finish.

"I opened that window _hours _ago. I've been freezing my ass off. I didn't think you were coming!"

I couldn't keep myself from smiling. I hoped she didn't notice. But I couldn't help but smile, she actually _did_ want me here.

I looked down at the bed next to her. "May I?" She nodded and moved to the far end of the bed. I settled myself in. Actually laying on the bed this time. My head propped up by an extremely fluffy pillow. She followed my example, like I had hoped she would.

"How did your talk with Charlie go?" I watched her grimace in the dark. She turned on her side to face me while she spoke.

"It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. But It was very hard...Explaining to him that Edward had left again. Charlie wasn't very fond of Edward after what happened last year. So listening to him rant and say, 'good riddance' was very..." She swallowed, "hard. He wouldn't have said those things if he knew what really happened."

I nodded, "No, he wouldn't." I tried to change the subject. Hoping to stop the anguish she was omitting without touching her. That was my goal. To find a way to comfort her completely...Without touching her.

"So where has your werewolf friend been? I would have thought you two would be inseparable." But apparently this wasn't the appropriate way to comfort her. I immediately regretted bringing Jacob up. The pain that was nearly intolerable before seemed to double.

"I got a call from Billy today." She began calmly, although I could tell it was a facade, the turmoil she was feeling was unmistakable. "He told me that Jacob would not be coming to visit me. And that I was not allowed in La Push any longer. After Quil and Jared's death Sam says that the treaty will stay in place, except now I was included in that. He was upset with Jacob for leading the pack to believe that La Push was in danger of the Volturi. When in reality they just wanted me. He told Jacob that he was not allowed to come see me, or to call me, or to even come into Forks."

My anger flared. I wondered if anyone would ever be able to keep me from the one I loved. I growled without realizing it.

"It's not like that." She whispered, "Once Sam lays down the law, the werewolves _have_ to listen to him. They have no choice."

I felt like arguing, but didn't. What good would it do to explain to Bella that there wasn't a force on Earth that could keep me away from the person I love? So I kept my mouth shut.

"Where has Alice been?" Her question caught me off guard. I paused before answering.

"I'm not quite sure. After I left here this morning I noticed a note at home. She said that Carlisle and Esme had gone to Isle Esme and that she had decided to go shopping. I waited around for her for several hours. And she never showed back up. So I decided to come back over here." I shrugged, as if it didn't matter, "It's more entertaining than sitting around an empty house." That was the breaking point. I should not have mentioned that Carlisle and Esme left. I should not have mentioned that the house was now empty. I knew the pain I felt was only a small piece of the pain that Bella was actually feeling. I heard her swallow several times, trying to choke back the tears.

"Bella?" I whispered her name, reaching my hand out toward her. Still resisting the urge to touch her. She didn't answer me. She had turned her face to hide it in the pillow beneath her head and I watched the pillow darken as her tears dampened it.

"Bella, please." I pleaded. Did she not understand that her torment was mine? I couldn't take it any longer. I had knew lost this battle before it had begun. I couldn't take _not_ comforting her. I could never take her pain, I understood now why Edward had always given her whatever she wanted. It was impossible not to give her everything. Your heart. Your soul. Your sanity. I reached over to her and I felt her shock again at my touch. I had to make her pain stop. I would deal with the consequences later. I pulled her onto my chest wrapping my left arm around her while placing my right hand on her hair. Holding her to me, although she wasn't resisting. I hoped it would be enough for the pain to stop. For her, and for me. Slowly the pain ebbed. It turned into a dull ache in the back of our minds. She was tense for the briefest second, but then relaxed and brought her left hand up to rest on my chest as well.

"I'm sorry Jasper." She whispered. I felt her other hand, tucked under her body, unclench from a loose fist and her fingers spread out to touch my side. My eyes closed at her touch. How had I never done this before? How did I live before this moment? The thing in my chest that before I had called a demon seemed to transform into a pack of restless fireflies. But it wasn't an uncomfortable feeling. I tried to remember anything, anyone, to speak! But failed. She was content to quietly take in my comfort. And I was more than happy to provide that comfort. I was wrong when I said that a vampire was never comfortable nor uncomfortable. Oh, how wrong I was! I couldn't remember being more comfortable than I was now. And I now knew I would be forever doomed because of this moment. I was ruined now. Ruined forever. I would never be the same without this feeling. I felt her shift on top of me.

My eyes flew open. I looked down on her. It was obvious she was sleeping. How long had we sat here unmoving? I turned my head to look at the clock on her nightstand. Nearly 2:00 in the morning. I suddenly understood my impatience this morning. It was because I wasn't with her. I couldn't deny it any longer. There was something there. Something between us. Something amazing and fantastic and unbelievable. She shifted again and I felt her hand slip beneath my shirt. I tensed as her fingers seemed to burn five little holes into my stomach. I dared not to breathe. I stifled a groan at the touch. But then heard her moan in her sleep and found myself releasing the groan after all. I couldn't sit here any longer. I couldn't take this. Suddenly sitting with her like this became unbearable! I needed to leave. I shifted my weight as if I were going to get up, but felt her begin to stir when I moved. I swallowed hard, my eyes shut tight.

What was wrong with me?! I could. Not. Stay. Here. Not with her, not like this. But I couldn't bring myself to disturb her by getting up either.

"Are you leaving?" I heard her whisper. I opened my eyes again, when had she woken up?

"I think I should." I choked out.

"Oh," She whispered, I felt the sadness begin to seep back into her. "Will you be back tomorrow?"

I hesitated. I shouldn't want to be back. I should leave her alone, and not come back. It would be for her own good. But I knew I was far too selfish.

"Why don't we do something else tomorrow? Go somewhere. You can't just sit around this house all day. That isn't going to help you...get better."

She cleared her throat. "Where do you want to go?"

I stood up now, her hand slid off of my stomach slowly. The butterflies turned back into a demon the moment her fingers left my skin and the demon seemed to roar in protest.

"Wherever you want to go Bella." I opened the window, "I'll be back around noon."

**Bella's POV -**

I felt more rested than I had in days. I had woken up a little later than I wanted, however. Jasper was supposed to be here in less than 15 minutes and I still hadn't showered! I took the quickest shower I had ever taken in my life, dried my hair with a towel as best I could. Threw on a pair of torn jeans and a white long sleeved t-shirt. I began to brush my teeth, but before I could finish jasper was standing in the doorway to the bathroom leaning against the door frame. Smiling. My mind turned to mush. But solidified again quickly. I pointed to the toothbrush in my mouth and then pointed to my room. Hoping he would understand my crude sign language. He smiled wider. And walked up to me, putting his face near mine. I stood unsure of what he was planning to do, considering I had a toothbrush sticking out of my mouth. He inhaled deeply through his nose. Then moved away, still smiling.

"That toothpaste helps with the smell. You don't smell quite as appetizing." He chuckled. I frowned and finished brushing my teeth quickly. Cringing when I was forced to spit into the sink in front of him.

"Where to?" I asked, less cheerful as before.

"Wherever you want." He responded while rolling the sleeves up on his cornflower blue striped dress shirt. He wore it untucked, and had the sleeves rolled up in a few flicks of his lithe fingers. The blue looked amazing on him and seemed to make his eyes and hair a richer shade of gold. His forearms were bare now and he caught me examining the scars on his arms. His smile twitched the slightest bit to a frown, but he got over it quickly and waved me toward the stairs. "We should get going." He murmured.

"What? Are we actually using the _door_ today?"

He didn't respond but smiled at me. He suddenly seemed to be in a hurry. So I asked,

"Do you know where we're going now?"

His smile was my only response.

He helped me inside my truck then sped around to the drivers side. I frowned. Another vampire insisting on driving my poor truck. But after a few minutes of driving he stopped the truck on a familiar patch of road. I felt a new panic hit me. I was fairly sure I knew where we were going.

The meadow that Edward and I had gone to when I had first seen Edward in the light. My heart sank.

"What's wrong?" Jasper had picked up on it immediately. Before I could answer he was gone, and opening my door, pulling me out of the truck, not letting go of my hands once I hit the ground. It was strange this new intimacy between us. Different. But surprisingly nice. For a moment I forgot my panic. But of course it came back.

"Jasper, are we going to an...open meadow out here?" I asked. He frowned.

"Edward has brought you here before." It wasn't a question.

"Yes." I hung my head. I hated to disappoint him.

"Okay." He said simply. "So, you _don't _want to go then?" I paused. At first I didn't want to go. But...What would it hurt? I sat in my home all day, a place that Edward and I had spent countless hours together. What could it hurt? Besides! Jasper would be with me. I would be fine.

"No. No. I want to go." I smiled. I didn't have to forget about Edward, I simply had to learn to live with the things that reminded me of him.

I didn't _want_ to forget about Edward. And I knew now that I would never have to. But there was something about being with Jasper. Something that made me want more. Even though I knew it was wrong. Even though I knew it was crazy. I wanted to be around him. I wanted to be with him. He was like air to me now. It was so like that summer I had spent with Jake. But so different at the same time.

"Are you sure?" Jasper dipped his head so he could look straight into my eyes.

I nodded my head, "Positive."

He smiled again, obviously trying to feel my emotions to see if that was what I really wanted. He seemed satisfied with his assessment after a few seconds. And turned around.

"Hop up." he said. I stood stunned.

"We aren't going to...hike?"

He turned back around to look at me. "Uh, did you _want_ to hike?"

I thought about it for a moment then shrugged. "I guess not."

He turned around again slowly, "O-kay then." I heard the laughter in his voice and frowned. I took a step back and then lunged myself onto his back. For some reason I thought maybe I would knock him off balance. But of course he hardly noticed. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist while resting my head against his back. Upon my first intake of breath I inhaled his scent. It was very much different than Edward's or even Alice's. Edwards had always been a cold smell, sweet, with perhaps a hint of vanilla or jasmine. Alice smelled sweet as well, like frosting or caramel. But Jasper smelled very different a heavier scent. Kind of like lumber, or fresh cut grass. It was surprisingly intoxicating. Very manly. I felt Jasper's cold hands grip my thighs, holding them tight against himself as he began to run. Running with Jasper wasn't as smooth as running with Edward. Edward had always seemed to be terribly worried about my comfort, whereas Jasper seemed more worried about speed. At first I was worried about being sick again. But I found it hard to even focus on the running. Jasper's hands curled around my thighs and I felt his biceps, that were pressed up against my sides, flex with every movement of his body. It did strange things to my insides. I found myself not wanting the ride to end. So of course, it ended too soon.

The meadow was as beautiful as I remembered it. But I couldn't pay much attention to it. Not with Jasper so close.

Jasper let go of my legs, allowing me to drop off of him and onto the ground. I immediately walked into the clearing. Taking in the fresh smell of the woods. I turned to see Jasper smiling at me. But he didn't follow. He stayed in the shadows.

"Sooo..." I laughed. What now?

He smiled a very devilish smile. It frightened me for a fraction of a second.

"Whatever you want to do." He responded his smile touched his eyes now and he leaned back against the nearest tree.

I felt my heart's pace begin to quicken. He couldn't be...Flirting?

I wondered why he was still sitting in the dark and frowned. "I've seen vampires in the light before Jasper. Why don't you come out here?" He stopped smiling.

"You've never seen me in the light before Bella." He paused, "I'm afraid the experience isn't quite the same."

I frowned too. "Will you just come out here. Please? I feel like a freak standing out here in the sun all by myself while you lurk in the shadows."

He laughed out loud. "You say you've seen us in the sun, and you think _you_ feel like a freak?" He sobered, "You have no idea what the sun does to your hair. To your skin." He paused again. "I feel...bad...noticing things like that about you, Bella."

I looked at the ground. I knew exactly what he meant. It had only been three days for crying out loud! I shouldn't be developing any feelings for anyone after only three days! But maybe this was what was meant to be, maybe we were supposed to have felt this from the very beginning. But circumstance wouldn't let us. It was true. An unmistakable _need_ to be with him. A need that grew more each passing hour. I wondered if it was avoidable.

I held my hand out to him, in an experiment. Could he resist me so easily? Or was it just as hard for him as it was for me?

He frowned again. But I watched him take a few steps. Stopping just before the sunlight touched his skin. Then took the final step into the sun.

And I was doomed. It was unavoidable. Inevitable. I knew that I couldn't stay away.

_And it was only day three..._

**XOXOXO**

**There you go!**

**Remember to review! We'll say...65 reviews for the next chapter? Also. I'm leaving for a week on a trip to Tennessee. So I will not be able to update until I get back. I leave late tonight and won't be back until next Friday. So I can't update till then. I'm sorry :( But at least I got this chapter to you before I left! Be thankful!**

**And extra thanks to: mckennaismyworld, Nobody42, Tweetiebird86, lilquackers77, wizziewoo123, PJJ0930, razarobles, TuggyAngel08, chiahead, luvmesomejasper, brooklynsam3, Slam2k, celeste.g.r, rickiebeaumont, Bryn's Lady, st-rach and Jasper's Dark Angel for reviewing!**

**Thanks so much for reading!!**

**Yours truly,**

**Nicolette**


	4. Chapter 4

**- - - Chapter four. Some PG13 stuff in here. You've been warned. And if you are younger than 13 you probably shouldn't read any more of this story after this. It gets more and more R rated.**

**xoxo**

**Nikki**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**Setting: I would say somewhere in the middle of Eclipse. After Edward proposes but before they even learn that Victoria is coming with the newborns. **

**Chapter dedication:** **This one is for MelloXJello for her hilarious, but true, review on Chapter 3! Thanks!**

**XO - Chapter 4 – OX**

"_I'd like to run away from you, but if you didn't come and find me ... I would die."  
- Shirley Bassey _

**XOXOXO**

I was doomed.

The moment he stepped into the sunlight my heartbeat doubled in time, my mouth dropped open, and a lightening bolt of desire suddenly raced through my system. I watched in awe as he stood examining my reactions. His face and hair glittered in the sunlight, throwing tiny rainbows onto the leaves and tree trunks around him. My eyes fell slowly down to his perfect marble throat, past his adams apple, to the top of his shirt, where a small patch of glistening marble skin was visible due to his first button being undone. His muscular forearms had a thin sheen of golden hair that also sparkled in the sunlight. And the scars that had once seemed to mar his perfect complexion seemed to only make him more beautiful in the sunlight. The scars sparkled brighter than the rest of his skin. As if the sunlight were pouring out from within him.

Without consciously deciding to, I closed the distance between us with three quick steps. And held my hand up, determined to run my fingers over a few of the shining scars. He took a step back, into the shadows, away from my hand.

"Bella." He whispered. His voice sounded labored. Weak, in pain almost. I reluctantly lowered my hand. Suddenly feeling embarrassed.

He shook his head an looked away from me. Toward the ground. His hands shoved in his pockets. My heart sank. He looked upset.

"Do you know what you're doing to me Bella?" He looked back up at me. Straight into my eyes, boring into my soul. I began to shake my head slowly in response to his question.

He shook his head again. "You're too much." He paused. Again his voice cracked. Very uncharacteristic of Jasper. But then, I never really knew Jasper before a few days ago, it seemed. "Do you have any idea how hard...this..." he paused gesturing toward me with a quick fling of his hand, "is?"

I began to shake my head again. I didn't know what he was talking about.

He looked back at the ground, "Bella, I hate to bring this up. But..." He paused, "I don't know if I can do...this...whatever this is...with you anymore." He smiled a half smile that was gone in an instant. "Not when you react the way you do...Just by..." He stopped again, shaking his head again profusely, "I can't take your reactions. I can't accept that when you look at me..." He looked back up, again into my eyes, as if searching for something. My heartbeat doubled again. "See? That! That right there Bella!" His voice picked up now, the hitch gone. "I don't understand how that can happen. Why it happens. How you could feel that way...It makes no sense."

I stood unmoving. Not sure what to say. I couldn't help my reactions. I didn't plan for them to happen. I can't control my heart rate! I can't control my hormones! Suddenly I was furious! How did he expect me to act? He shows up in my bathroom this morning looking absolutely breathtaking and expects me not to react the way any normal teenager would react to seeing him there!

"I can't control my reactions, Jasper!" I nearly spit his name, "I can't just tell my heart not to beat! I can't tell my subconscious not to...be...subconscious!" I wasn't even making sense now, but I didn't care, I just kept ranting. "You show up in my home unannounced, looking like...like...that!" I flung my arm out toward him, as if just looking at him explained everything. And it did! "You can't be the way...you are...and not expect my body to react! It's not fair to be angry or upset with me when I can't --"

Suddenly I was in his arms. His lips sent that familiar electric spark into my skin as they traced a line that started near my chin, moving ever so gently across my jaw. Waves of adrenaline seemed to radiate from that spot and pool near my waist. His lips traveled down further, across my neck. Stopping for the briefest of moments where my pulse in my throat sat, but then continuing down to my collar bone. Here, he pulled back a fraction of an inch, so all I could feel was his cool breath panting against my exposed skin. His arms loosened their firm grip. But his hands came up to rest gently on my sides, just above my hips. My arms stayed around his neck. I couldn't move them. He seemed to be the only reason I was still standing. He stayed still for a moment longer. His breath still panting against my collar bone.

"Do you feel it?" He whispered so quietly. I wasn't sure if I was meant to hear it. I began to shake my head, unsure of what he meant. He chuckled lightly, then moved his hands down to my hips, before bringing them back up to my sides. But this time, under my shirt. I took in a sharp intake of breath when his hands touched my skin. But not because of the cold. The strongest wave of desire I had ever felt hit me full force the moment his skin touched mine. He was transferring his feelings to me, again by touch. I stumbled forward into his chest. Delirious with need. My arms tightened their hold on him and my face burrowed into the crook of his shoulder. I felt heat pool between my legs as his desire raced through me and arched my hips into his body. I heard him chuckle again and gently slide his hands back down to my hips, above my jeans. I relaxed once his fingers left my skin. But sat still in his arms. He turned his head slightly toward my ear.

"That is what you do to me, Bella. Every time you're near."

**XOXOXO**

**Alice's POV - **

Slowly my vision returned to me. Along with the crack in my heart that had begun to grow ever since Edward had died. I looked up. He was looking at me strangely again. Leaning against a thick oak tree. Obviously, seeing the vision that I had just had through my mind's eye.

"Who are they?" He asked quietly. "You seem to have these...'visions' of them quite often." He said again, he looked down at his coat sleeve, pulling a microscopic piece of dust off of it, before he looked back into my eyes. I shuddered again seeing the deep crimson color that looked so foreign on him.

"I've told you this before. Her name is Bella," I paused. Looking up to see if the name cause him to react in any way, when it didn't, I continued. "And the man's name is Jasper. He's my husband." I watched a smirk twitch in the corner of his mouth. But at least he had the decency to not outright smile at my ordeal. That was a good sign.

"Well, I'm surprised he hasn't killed her by now. If he did, you wouldn't have to worry about your husband philandering any longer." He smiled this time. "Is he like you? Does he practice your...Vegetarianism?"

I nodded. "Yes. Just like you used to."

He laughed at that. And shook his head, "That's what you keep saying. Yet, here I am full of human blood." He laughed again.

I sighed. How could this be the same person we had all known and loved just a few days ago?! How?! "Edward. Why can't you just remember? Do you want to go through my memories again? Maybe it will help." I begged.

He looked away this time. Seemingly annoyed that I had asked again. "I am growing tired of this. Vampires don't lose their memories. If anything, the memories become more vivid after we've recalled them." He looked me over again, "How do I know that you're power isn't different than what you say? How do I know that you aren't just imagining someone else's life?"

"Someone who looks just like you?" I barked back. Imbecile. "Besides! We don't know if vampires can lose their memories! I've never seen any vampire survive what you did! They ripped you to shreds and burned your remains! How are you supposed to remember anything when vampires aren't supposed to live through being burned!"

He frowned, "You told me part of my arm wasn't burned."

I sighed, "Yes, but the parts that _were_ burned shouldn't have come back...together. I've never witnessed anything like it."

He sighed this time. "Regardless of all that. Why are you still harassing me? Why don't you just leave me be? Maybe if you were at home instead of here, your husband wouldn't be cheating on you." He said it nonchalantly. As if it didn't really matter to him whether I stayed or left. I flinched at his words.

I had weighed my options, and the only hope I had of keeping Jasper was to get Edward and Bella back together, but I couldn't let Bella within a hundred yards of Edward when he wasn't...Edward. Now he was just another murdering vampire. But I hoped that soon he would remember all he had come to lose, and come back to Forks with me. I was afraid to leave him alone, even for a short time. He could flee and none of us would ever see him again. Then what was I supposed to do? I couldn't tell Bella of Edward's condition. That would only make things worse. Wouldn't it hurt more to know that the person you love is alive and well, but doesn't remember you at all and is only interested in drinking your blood?

But, It was only a matter of time before Jasper and Bella passed the point of no return. And it hurt to know that, as far as I know, my name had never even been brought up during all of their exploits...Granted nothing too serious had happened between them...Yet. I looked back up into the blood red eyes of my former brother and wondered if he would ever be the same man that once had loved a human girl named Bella. And wondered if when he did finally remember his life before his 'death', it would be too late. If Bella would choose Jasper over him, once she knew of Jasper's true potential to love and be loved. Something that Alice herself wasn't even sure she had ever tapped into.

She had finally told Carlisle and Esme about Edward being alive. A day after his death. And told them that she wanted to tell Jasper on her own. They had left the house and had begun making frequent visits to Edward as well. But the night that I was supposed to return home to tell Jasper all about Edward...Edward had mentioned leaving.

And I couldn't have that.

So I was stuck here. In the middle of the god forsaken South Dakota woods. With no shopping malls, no hotel rooms and a dwindling supply of nearby squirrels and coyotes to snack on. Because I couldn't give up on Edward. I couldn't give up hope that he would remember everything and snatch Bella back up before...I shook my head. I couldn't worry about that now. I had to focus on my primary goal for the time being. Which was Edward.

**Jasper's POV - **

At first, this game had seemed like a good idea. A proper distraction. But the questions had started getting more personal and I was beginning to wonder if Bella had any intention at all of cooling things down between us.

I could still feel the silky skin of her neck on my lips. Feel the tremors that her breath on my neck had created. I could feel her in my arms, melting under my caresses. Even though she sat over 10 feet away.

And I wanted more. Oh. So. Much. More.

But I couldn't have it.

I could never have it.

And that, of course, made me want it more than I've ever wanted anything in my entire existence.

Bella's heated body beneath me, her hair pooling like a dark curtain on the pillow beneath her head. Her back arched in ecstasy and her eyes shut tight as I made her shout my name, over and over and over...

"Jasper?"

Her voice pulled me out of my fantasy, and I adjusted my weight to my left side, trying to hide any evidence of my body's reaction to my incessant daydreams.

"Yes?" I tried to sound calm. I tried to sound as if I had been paying attention to her words. As if I hadn't been fantasizing about being enveloped in her tight heat...

She narrowed her eyes, while one eyebrow lowered and the other shot into her hairline. "Are you going to answer the question?"

I mentally scolded myself. Right, the game.

"I'm sorry. I didn't hear it." Still struggling to stay cool. To keep the ten feet I had managed to put between us intact.

She rolled her eyes, "Blondes or brunettes?" She said exasperatingly. I wondered how many times she had already asked that question before I had snapped out of my stupor.

"Brunettes. Obviously." I answered smoothly. A few seconds past before she spoke again.

"It's your turn. You have to ask me a question now."

"Oh, right." I thought for a second, then asked, "Blondes or redheads?" It was my subtle way of asking. And of reminding her that Edward had existed at one point. Because she hadn't shown an ounce of sadness since reaching the clearing. She needed to be reminded. I wouldn't be a replacement. It had to be me she wanted...Not Edward. I immediately felt guilty again after that last thought. But ignored it. There was too much guilt between her and I and I wouldn't let there be any more.

She eyed me speculatively. Good. At least I knew she understood my question. Although Edward wasn't exactly a redhead. I wouldn't call him a brunette either.

She took a deep breath, "You can't ask me that question. It's too close to the question I already asked you."

My jaw dropped for the briefest of seconds. "You can't just make up rules after we've been playing for over ten minutes!" I almost shouted.

She clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes simultaneously, "This coming from the man who's been playing for over ten minutes and just forgot how the game was even played thirty seconds ago!"

I smiled, I very much wanted to show her exactly what had made me forget how to play this silly game thirty seconds ago. But then my smile vanished. I couldn't think like that. Nothing more could ever happen between Bella and I.

I would simply remember the way it had felt to have her in my arms, quivering at my touch...for the rest of my life. I would keep it tucked away and never mention it to anyone. There would be no need to tell Alice. She no doubt knew everything already.

"You can't even stay focused when you're arguing with me!" She half laughed, half shouted.

She was so damn sexy when she argued. So damn sexy when she laughed. So damn sexy when she blushed, or slept, or tripped, or frowned. Always so damn sexy.

"I was thinking about Alice." I finally said aloud. I didn't want to do it. But something had to end this mood I was in. And upsetting her would probably give me a much needed dose of guilt. I felt her surprise and guilt hit me. But even though I had just said my wife's name...Even though I had mentioned the name of a person that we would very seriously hurt if we kept up our little games. There was still desire there...In the background. She couldn't help it.

"Oh." She whispered. "Where has she been?"

I shrugged and shook my head. I really didn't know. She hadn't contacted me. Her phone was off. She had probably seen the thoughts I had been having about Bella and decided to leave me. I wouldn't blame her. And just because Alice might be out of my life forever, it didn't make this thing between Bella and I any more right. Any more allowed. Any more possible.

I knew the second she began weeping. The tears rolled down her face freely and she dropped her gaze to her hands. The most heartbreaking sight I'd ever seen.

"Bella...darlin'." I whispered, "Please don't cry."

"How can I not?!" She sobbed, "We know why she's gone. She left because of me! Because of us!" She stood up abruptly. "I want to go home now."

**XOXOXO**

**Bella's POV - **

I flung the front door open and tried my hardest to slam it shut before he walked in, but of course he was already inside before I managed to turn around.

"Bella. It doesn't have to be like this." He said again.

My anger flared, "You would just let this happen? You would just leave your wife..Leave Alice after all the years you've been together!? Just for _me_?!"

I watched his jaw tighten. "It doesn't have to be like that either." His beautiful deep voice sent my head spinning. Which reminded me why I could never see him again.

"What are you talking about! She has to know, Jasper! Hell! She probably knows already!"

He rolled his eyes, "No, Bella! I'm saying that we can just go on like none of this ever happened. Deny whatever is between us and just be friends. Keep seeing each other, but keep it light. No more touching. I'll sit in the rocking chair when I stay the night. No more going out alone together." It sounded as if it pained him to say those things.

My eyes dropped to the floor. "It might be that easy. For you. But it definitely won't be that easy for me."

He sighed, "It is not easy for me Bella. As you've already learned, I am not as practiced as the rest of my family at denying myself what I want."

I flinched as his words brought back memories of my birthday over a year ago. And shook my head.

"Just go Jasper. Go and don't come back. At least not for a while. Maybe after Alice comes back...Maybe once we have our heads on straight again."

He growled this time. And suddenly he stood directly in front of me his hands gripping the tops of my arms. "I can't do that Bella. I can't stay away and wonder if you're lying upstairs in your room. Unable to sleep. Hating yourself because of what you think that you've caused. I won't let you do that to yourself. I'll be there. All night, every night until you stop blaming yourself for everything that's ever gone wrong." He paused and leaned farther down to capture my eyes in his, "You were engaged to a vampire Bella. What were you expecting? Honestly, a happily ever after?" He whispered, and new tears came.

"I don't....I don't know what I was expecting. But it wasn't this."

He let go of my arms. "As much as I hate to do this. I'm going to leave you alone for the rest of today. Charlie will be home in an hour, that gives you only sixty minutes to wallow in self-pity." He frowned, "I'll be back at ten o' clock. Whether you want me here or not."

And he was gone.

**XOXOXO**

**What do you think? Good? **

**Let me know how you feel about the whole Edward is alive thing. If you don't completely understand it then just let me know and I'll do my best to fill you in!**

**This story gets exceedingly juicy from here on out. You've been warned. **

**I think I'm gonna go for 100 reviews for this next chapter. Believe me. It will be worth it.**

**xoxo**

**Nikki**

**p.s. Thanks also to: Bryn's Lady, wizziewoo123, Jasper's Dark Angel, Jits, mckennaismyworld, rickiebeaumont, aredente farfalla, acw1, ashleyworman, lilquakcers77, that-1-amber-girl, charverv, NCChris, rayzarobles, Emma Swan, chiahead, brooklynsam3, luvmesumjasper, lisdrew0613, Merina Green, IheartZuko, sirius 4-ever and a day, mypersonalmiracle, AdailyAntheM, armyprincess, celest.g.r, Smile-J, KacyLee, jaxcharmed, LunarEclipse1 and Nissa-Cullen for all of your reviews on the last chapter!! Keep them coming and we'll have 100 in no time!!**

**Oh! And thanks to all the people who were kind enough to put me on their favorite author list, even though my other stories aren't twilight related at all lol. I'm so flattered!**


	5. Chapter 5

**- Chapter five. 'R' rated. This chapter is not recommended for readers under the age of 17. Just a juicy lemon filler chapter really. **

**xoxo**

**Nikki**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**Setting: I would say somewhere in the middle of Eclipse. After Edward proposes but before they even learn that Victoria is coming with the newborns. **

**Chapter dedication:** **Chapter 5 is all for you luvmesomejasper not only because of your awesome pen name. But because you forced me to type out an answer to each and every one of your long and complicated questions. LOL. What can I say? I like typing.**

**XO - Chapter 5 – OX**

"_Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."_

_- Woody Allen_

**XOXOXO**

**Bella's POV - **

"I think I'm gonna hit they hay Bella. You probably should too. It's practically midnight." Charlie sat up from his favorite recliner and stretched his gangly arms and legs while letting out an exasperated yawn as if to further emphasize his point.

I shook my head, "Why don't you stay in here and watch another movie with me?" I paused, cringing before my next sentence. "We never spend any time together."

Charlie frowned, "Bella I have to work in the morning. How about after work tomorrow you and me go get some dinner down at the diner?"

My stomach lurched at the thought of the greasy diner food, but I knew that I shouldn't keep him up any longer. He was only going to get a little more than 5 hours of sleep as it was. "Okay dad. That sounds fine." Charlie smiled, patted me on the head, and then started stomping his way up the stairs to his bedroom. I wondered how long it would take before - -

"I didn't realize that you missed spending time with your father. Maybe you should spend less time hanging out with vampires."

It didn't take very long at all apparently. Jasper was leaning against the door frame that led to the kitchen, frowning slightly.

"You're absolutely right. I _should_ spend less time with vampires." I responded.

His frown deepened. "It doesn't have to be like this Bella. We can be civil toward one another. I can control myself. And you can too." He stopped leaning against the wall and walked over to the couch where I sat, "I want to be there for you Bella. As a brother. It doesn't have to be anything more." He paused, "It should never have been anything more." I opened my mouth to argue. But he stopped me.

"And It will not be anything more. I promise. I'll be a perfect gentlemen from here on out."

"And what do you intend to do about me?" I whispered.

He smiled brilliantly. "I'll make sure that you are a perfect gentlemen as well."

I couldn't help but smile at that one.

"Why did you decide to stay up so late tonight?" He asked.

I sighed and sat up to begin gathering my blanket and pillow that I had dragged from my bed to the couch. "Maybe I was hoping you would take the hint and go home if I didn't come up after 10."

"I/you thought wrong." We said simultaneously. Then laughed. I began treading up the stairs with him on my heels. I wondered why he didn't offer to take the comforter and pillow from my hands. But didn't voice it. He wasn't Edward after all. But I was content carrying my pillow and blanket. I didn't need them smelling like Jasper when I was trying to sleep again tonight. We were trying to keep the desire in the background. And the last thing I needed was to have a dream about Jasper, when he sat less than 5 feet away. We reached my room and I tossed the blanket and pillow onto the bed. Then turned on my heel to face him in the doorway.

"This isn't necessary, you know." I scolded.

He smiled, "I know that you don't think that it is necessary."

I sighed, tired of arguing. And besides. It was easier to sleep with Jasper around. And in that hour and a half that he had left me alone today, I had begun to feel the sadness creep back over me. A very unpleasant feeling. I didn't want to think of Jasper as a replacement Edward. And he wasn't, he seemed to make my life feel more full than Edward even had. But when he wasn't around. The longing for him to be around started. And as the depression sat in, my mind began to wonder. And thoughts of Edward hit me again. "I'm gonna go...use the bathroom." I pointed toward the doorway in the hall. Then reached in my drawer and pulled out the silk pajamas that my mother had bought me and rushed into the hallway. Leaving Jasper standing alone in my room.

**Jasper's POV - **

The second I watched the door to Bella's bathroom close, I felt my phone vibrate in my pant pocket. Curious. My phone hadn't rung in a while.

"Hello." I whispered.

"Don't leave her alone in that room tonight." Alice's high pitched voice wafted through the earpiece.

"Alice?" I questioned, "What do you mean?" I paused as a more important question came to mind, "Where have you been?!"

She sighed, "It's very...complicated. But you need to listen to me. Do not leave Bella alone in her room tonight. No matter what happens. And as soon as it's daylight. You need to leave and come back to the house. I'll tell you everything once you meet me there."

It didn't make any sense. You would think that Alice would _want_ me to leave Bella alone. "Alice you have to - -" I heard the phone line go dead. She had hung up.

I heard the door to the bathroom creak open and quickly slid my phone back into my back pocket. And at the sight of her, I bit back a groan. Didn't she understand our conversation earlier? Didn't she care about Edward or Alice? She walked into the room wearing a pair of light pink silken pajama shorts with a trim of white lace around the bottom and a matching light pink tank top. With more lace trim. My body reacted immediately and I quickly sat down in the wooden rocker in the corner to conceal my erection. What was wrong with this woman!? One minute she doesn't want to see me at all, because she thinks it will be too hard for me not to ravish her. And the next she walks into the room in what might as well be pink lingerie! She flipped the lights off the moment she stepped into the room. And then walked at a quicker pace than usual, rolling onto the bed and pulling the covers up nearly to her neck. Obviously she realized that what she was wearing was not at all appropriate.

"That's," I cleared my throat, suddenly it felt as if a sponge had soaked up all of the moisture in my mouth, "an interesting ensemble that you chose to wear tonight." I watched her cheeks flare red and then she turned onto her side, away from me.

"Good night, Jasper." She whispered. And I knew she wasn't going to tell me why she had decided on those particular pajamas. So I would sit here for the next 6 hours wondering why she had.

She fell asleep quickly enough tonight. With almost no help from me whatsoever. I was surprise when the tossing and turning started. Because it seemed to me that she had been content and very calm ever since she had fallen asleep. But I realized quickly why the real reason for her tossing was when a wave of euphoric passion hit me, coming from her sleeping form.

"Jasper..." She whispered. Her left knee lifted up off the bed and her head turned away from me as she slept.

The erection was back, and strained unforgivably against my suddenly too tight jeans.

"Jasper please."

At that, I stood and walked to the window. Pushing it open soundlessly. Hoping the fresh air would do me some good.

She let out a tiny sound that seemed like a cross between a moan and a plea. And I heard the wood beneath my grasp on the window sill creak as I gripped it tighter.

"Bella." I barked in her direction. But she didn't wake. Another breathy moan escaped her lips and I felt the wood splinter beneath my fingers. I now felt as if I were gripping the windowsill only to try and hold myself back from her.

"BELLA!" I shouted again. This time she sat up in surprise. Looking around the room frantically until she found my form next to the window. I listened as her father stirred in his bed. But relaxed once I heard his breathing go back to the shallow breaths of slumber.

"What's wrong?" She whispered. Seemingly breathless.

I didn't speak. I was concentrating too hard. I only had two options now. 1. I could walk over to her bed and make love to her, get it out of my system. And never darken her doorway again. Or 2. I could leave this room right now and never come back. But at the second thought Alice's words flashed through my mind. I wasn't supposed to leave her alone before sunrise.

"Jasper?" She pleaded, obviously wondering why I wasn't answering her. Why I had shouted at her. And why I was destroying her window. But my name on her lips sent another wave of desire coursing through my system. I turned around slowly, releasing my grip on the mangled sill. But it was a mistake. I should have sat looking out the window until sunrise. There was no going back now.

Her hair curtained her shoulders in dark waves that looked almost blue in the moonlight. Her full lips sat open slightly and her face was flushed, probably from the dream she'd just been having. One hand sat behind her, propping her up on the purple clad bed, and the other gripped the comforter on her lap, as if fearing my response. Her chest rose and fell steadily in time with her breathing and her silken tank top did nothing to hide the round curve of her breast.

I had been denying myself of everything, it seemed, since the very moment I had met Alice in that pub. I had given up on human blood. Drinking a not even comparable. Frankly, disgusting substitute. I had been scolded, and chastised every single time I had ever even considered drinking human blood. I've been denied what my body craved most for damn near one hundred and fifty years.

But right now, Alice wasn't around. And right now, my body craved something very different.

I was tired of denying myself.

I reached up to my chest, slowly unfastening the buttons of my shirt, while I walked slowly toward her bed. Her eyes looked down to my hands then back up to my face.

"Jasper, what are you doing?"

I chose not to answer, if she didn't know already, she would figure it out soon enough. I finished with the buttons and slipped out of the shirt. Then pulled the white undershirt off of my body in the same fluid motion. I quickly undid my belt and slipped out of my pants, taking my shoes and socks with them. She gasped.

"Jasper...what are you doing?!" She said again. Pulling the blankets back up to her neck to hide her scantily clad skin. But it didn't matter. She wouldn't be complaining in a few minutes. I sat on the bed. Straddling it. And pulled softly on the comforter. It fell from her grasp and she sat perfectly still. I leaned forward, wrapping my arm around her tiny waist and pulling her toward me gently. She came without question and stared with wide eyes into my face. Unsure of what was going on.

"Bella." I whispered her name. My voice husky with desire. And she melted, like I had known she would. But I wouldn't start feeling guilty yet. That would come later. After I left her in the morning. I wrapped my other arm around her waist, my hands reaching up beneath her frail excuse for a shirt and pulling her to me. She gasped at the contact, but wrapped her arms around my neck, nonetheless.

I still wasn't content. She wasn't close enough. I let my hands travel down her sides slowly, across her hips, down her thighs to the back of her knees. And tugged gently on them. Effectively pulling her tight against my lap. She gasped again, and let out another noise of surprise when she found herself straddling my lap. My erection, covered by layer of boxers, pressed hard against the soft folds of her silk shorts. I felt the heat radiating from between her legs and I struggled not to buck up into her. I wrapped my arms back around her and pulled her against my chest. Her heat soaking through to my very bones. Her mouth found mine, which was surprising. I had expected to do all the work myself. Our first kiss sent a very different kind of ache through my body. My heart wrenched in my chest as if it planned to start beating again. She clung to me frantically. And the spark of emotion flowed between our lips as if they were never meant to be separated. I let out the moan this time and slid my hands beneath her shirt again, sliding them up the silky column of her body and taking the top with them. One tug and it was over her head. Her dark hair fluttering back down to, once again, to curtain her shoulders.

Without a doubt she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. One of my hands supported her back, below her shoulder blades. Holding her slightly away from me as she bowed backward. The other hand I weaved through her glistening hair, the soft texture felt like the finest silk in my hand. I looked down, this position gave me a perfect view of her full breasts and flat stomach. Her hips still pressed against mine. I placed my lips upon her throat. Moving slowly down, past her collar bone, down farther to brush them across the hill of her perfect breasts. Her breathing had picked up to a ragged pace, and she let out a tiny sound of passion. I teased her, letting my breath beat against her tiny nipple until it hardened in response. Then attacked. My lips circling the hardened nub and pulling it deep within my mouth. Careful not to scrape it on my deadly teeth.

She moaned and arched her body up toward my waiting mouth. Her hands found their way to my hair and laced through it. Pulling my head down to her breast. Her reactions to my ministrations were absolutely perfect. I pulled back slightly and flicked my tongue against her nipple. Drawing another noise from deep within her. Then brought my lips back down to pull the tit back into my mouth. Suckling on it as I tortured myself. My cock was so hard it was literally painful. And every sound she made seemed to intensify the hardness still.

I removed my lips from her right breast and quickly began lavishing the left one the same way. Tugging on it with my lips. Her hips ground into mine and I could smell her arousal increase. I let out a husky growl and slid my hand down her smooth stomach before cupping her heat with my palm. My fingers curling up to press her silk shorts up against the sweet folds of her womanhood. I could feel how wet she was through the material. And I knew I couldn't hold on much longer. I had to take her. I gripped her again and she moaned loudly. Bucking against my hand, I rubbed my palm up against where I knew her awaiting clit was and she nearly shouted my name. She was so damn hot. And wet. So ready for me.

"Edward?" She suddenly whispered. At the name, I immediately let out a ferocious snarl. In a flash I pushed her down against the bed. Holding her arms against the mattress above her head. While I straddled her stomach. I had to fight not to snap her tiny wrists in my angry hands.

"What?!" I barked. Fury had instantly replaced the raging desire. "What the HELL did you just say?" I didn't wait for her response, but instead threw myself away from the bed and against the wall. I was prepared to shout some more, but stopped myself when I heard footsteps.

I had woken her father. Quickly I hid myself in the closet atop the highest shelf. Charlie burst through the bedroom door seconds later. Flipping on the light.

"Bella what happened?!" He shouted.

I listened as Bella cleared her throat. "I don't know dad. I think I was...dreaming." Poor Charlie probably thought the rough huskiness of her voice was because she had just been woken from sleep. But I knew that I had put it there. I fought back another feral snarl. No, she had been imagining Edward the whole time. I felt myself begin to shake with rage. Suddenly I was extremely impatient for Charlie to leave. I had to get out of here. What did it matter about Alice's warning? I was more furious than I could ever remember being in my entire life.

Apparently Charlie had accepted Bella's explanation. Because he said his apologies and slowly closed the door. I waited as his footsteps headed back toward his room. I slowly stepped out of the closet. I would wait for him to lay back down, and then explain to Bella that she meant nothing to me either...and then leave. And never come back.

She stared at me, but said nothing. She was listening to Charlie's footsteps as well. Once the door closed. I listened as Charlie settled back into the covers. She watched me, knowing that she couldn't hear what was going on in his bedroom herself.

"I'm leaving now." I whispered. Throwing my clothes back on at amazing speed.

"Jasper, let me explain." She whispered and leaped out of bed. She still didn't have a shirt on. She must have covered herself with the blankets when Charlie came in. She grabbed my arm and I wrenched away from her touch. How dare she!

"Stop it!" I barked at her. And she immediately dropped her hands.

"I swear Jasper. I think I _saw_ Edward in the window just now. I swear. That's the only reason I said his name." She whispered. Pleading.

She was ridiculous. What an awful little minx she was. "Bella! Don't insult me!" I tried to keep my voice calm and quiet. "Edward is. --" I stopped. Alice's warning became fresh in my mind. And a familiar, yet somehow very foreign smell hit my nose from the open window.

A vampire was near. That was why Alice had told me not to leave Bella alone. Someone was trying to get to her. I growled lightly.

"Jasper please. I saw someone I swear! I wasn't thinking about--" I held my hand up to her lips. She stopped talking.

I was trying to hear if the predator was still nearby. But I heard nothing. She probably had seen someone in the window. My rage left immediately.

"There was someone here." I whispered.

She gasped, "It looked like Edward--"

"Edward is dead." I snapped, "But someone else...was here." I walked over and closed the window. Well, closed it the best I could, it didn't seem to want to fit into it's frame. "Lay back down. Try to sleep." I whispered. Our passion momentarily in the back of my mind. "I'm supposed to talk to Alice in the morning. She'll let me know what's going on."

"Who was here?"

"Do you think I know that?" I snapped back. Suddenly I was terrified. Someone was coming after Bella. There was a chance that I could lose her. How could I ever leave to speak to Alice in the morning. I cringed at that last thought. Surely, Alice knew everything. Every tiny thing that Bella and I had done here tonight. That thought was thoroughly annoying. But guilt hit me. I shouldn't be annoyed. I deserved what I was getting. Bella was irresistible. That was obvious. I could not resist her. And now, because of this new predator, I couldn't even leave her alone. I had come damn close to adultery tonight. And I knew, that it would happen eventually.

I would take Bella. Even with the terror, and the guilt. The need to be inside her was painful. The need to make her mine was unbearable. Yes, it would happen, if I couldn't find a way to stay away. And I knew I couldn't. But tonight her virginity was safe, I had to stay on guard.

She didn't sleep, and I didn't leave until the first rays of sun hit her bedroom window. It was hard to leave knowing that something had been lurking around Bella's window. But Alice would not have told me to leave if it wasn't safe. So Bella and I said our goodbyes. And I left for what was sure to be one of the worst conversations of my life.

I would explain to Alice about Bella and I's complicated predicament. Beg her forgiveness and hope she understood. Was I really willing to leave Alice after all this time? I guess I would decide once I saw her.

**Edward's POV -**

The feelings at the sight of the girl were very foreign to me. At first, I was almost happy to see her. Exuberant really. But became utterly furious at the sight of her with another man.

Alice's husband.

Alice had said that that girl and I had once been 'in love'. I scoffed at the thought. It wasn't very likely.

But still. There was that feeling in the pit of my stomach when I saw her face. A deep feeling, something I couldn't explain. Something I'd never felt before. Or at least, I didn't remember ever feeling before.

"You went to see her?" I recognized the voice. Who could forget that high pitched annoying voice?

"Just to see if she had the same reaction to me as it showed in your visions." I responded. I was very used to this strange vampire showing up with no rhyme...Or reason. She seemed surprised at my response.

"And you didn't kill her?"

I shook my head. Because of this vampire's gift...She already knew that I hadn't killed the girl. It annoyed me that she felt the need to ask such questions.

"Were you planning on killing her before you saw my husband there?" She asked quietly. I wasn't sure how to respond. So I didn't. But she continued without provocation. "Because you know that's what you would have done, Edward. You would have killed her."

"La tua cantante." I chuckled.

"Exactly." She whispered.

"Good thing your husband was there." I watched her jaw tighten, and continued. "If it upsets you so much. Why don't you put a stop to it?"

"There is no way that I can stop it." She smiled and tapped her temple with her index finger. "Every idea I come up with fails."

"And Jasper gets what he wants. It's his nature. I've known that since the day I met him." She giggled, "Well, in my case, I knew that _before_ I met him as well." She paused, looking past my right shoulder, deep in thought. "Perhaps...I should not have tried so long to keep him from the things he wants...Perhaps that is why he wants Bella. Because, should he fall in love with her, he won't want to do those things, simply because of her. Not because she doesn't allow him to." She looked down at her delicate fingers, "I kept him from the things he wanted for my own selfish reasons, and now I'm paying the price."

"There is one way to stop them, you know." I proposed, and smiled. Knowing she would never take the easy way out. She would never kill the girl her husband was infatuated with. Because Alice was different.

"You're right. There is one way." The surprise must have shown on my face. Because she smiled brilliantly. "The only way to keep Jasper away from her." She took a few steps toward me. I backed a few steps away in response. "Is for you to remember." I let out the breath I had been holding in a long exasperated sigh. This tiny pixie was relentless. Why wouldn't she just leave me alone?

"If you would just remember. She would be with you." She tapped her temple again. "I know it."

**XOXOXO**

**There ya go! The first taste of a lemon. I always worry about getting them too graphic. **

**I have to mention. I got a very disgruntled flamer on the last chapter. An anonymous reviewer who chose to call herself "Amy". I was severely chastised for being a 'review whore' and told that I wasn't a real writer because I 'only cared about reviews'. Oh and I believe I was called immature as well. First she called my story "good" then at the end said, "this story is well....okay". I almost deleted the review. But then thought better of it. If you want to go look at it, It's pretty entertaining. Here is the only response I will give her: **

**I'll update after 135 reviews!!! (Haha, I _am_ a review whore.) How about I'll keep being a review whore, and you keep being a bitch with no fanfiction account. LOL. **

**Yours truly,**

**Nicolette**

**Special thanks to: Emma Swan, LunarEclipse1, Slam2k, lilquackers77, Satr, acw1, wizziewoo123, armyprincess, mckennaismyworld, luvmesomjasper, rickiebeaumont, merina Green, NCChris, JaspersDestiny, TwistedforTwilight, AdailyAntheM, TuggyAngel08, that-1-amber-girl, LoveStoryFan, bluedragon2u, Jasper's Dark Angel, BriyerRose, brooklynsam3 and charverve for reviewing the last chapter! (Yes I was 6 short of 100 but I updated anyway. I won't be so kind next time!)**

**p.s. - I need a freakin' Beta reader! Anyone interested?**


	6. Chapter 6

**- Chapter six. The plot thickens.**

**xoxo**

**Nikki**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**Setting: I would say somewhere in the middle of Eclipse. After Edward proposes but before they even learn that Victoria is coming with the newborns. **

**Chapter dedication:** **This chapter goes out to JaspersDestiny, chiahead and her daugher for being my Betas! Thank you so much! (3 have to be better than one, right?) Because of them this 'filler' chapter isn't nearly as boring and mundane as I originally thought it to be. JaspersDestiny has the Twilight trivia down to a 'T' and chiahead and her daughter provided the grammar and suggestive sentences that made me feel good about posting this chapter! Thank you so much! **

**XO - Chapter 5 – OX**

"_Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today." - James Dean_

**XOXOXO**

**Jasper's POV - **

Although I knew myself to be a dog, a philanderer, and just short of an adulterer. I couldn't bring myself to feel as guilty as I probably should have been.

And Bella. She should feel guiltier even than I! Her fiancé had died not even a week ago and she was lusting after a man whom she knew to be married! Yes, Bella should be feeling much more guilty than me.

I sighed, now I was agreeing with myself. And I had thought that I had somehow avoided going crazy in all this.

But what was wrong with me? When did I suddenly transform into this man with no self-control and no compassion for my wife's feelings? When had I turned in to this lusting teenage boy, who didn't know right from wrong? When did Bella begin to matter more than my morals...then my wife?

"What are you thinking about?"

I cringed. I was half hoping she wouldn't show up. But I recovered quickly.

"I was wondering who had been lurking around Bella's room last night."

She laughed once. "At least you're not going to pretend that you weren't in Bella's room last night."

I frowned, "If I recall correctly, you were the one that suggested that I go."

Her eyes narrowed, "No Jasper," I heard the hitch in her voice and the first wave of guilt hit me. She shook her head slowly, "No, I knew already that you were going to go. I thought maybe...If I didn't keep you from going. That you would be...grateful towards me. And things would have turned out differently." She stopped looking down at her hands and looked back up to me. "I was wrong."

"Nothing happened that first night." I whispered. How do you discuss infidelity so casually with your wife?!

She frowned again, "That's not true. Not only did you sleep in the bed next to her that night. The next morning when she woke up, you decided that you would be with her every morning when she woke up."

I frowned too. Not sure what to say. Her gift was thoroughly annoying. More annoying now than it had ever been. "You have to understand, Alice." I sent her a wave of calm, hoping that with it, she would understand more easily. "You have to understand how it is with Bella. There's something there Alice; some kind of connection."

"You mean the same connection that she and Edward had once?" She paused, "A connection that you didn't notice until after Edward died?"

I was starting to get angry. She couldn't understand. Hell, I didn't even understand. "I don't think it's the same."

"You don't think it's odd that she suddenly finds herself so attached to you, only _after _Edward was gone? If there was some kind of _great_ connection, why didn't she ever say anything before?"Her voice was cynical. Very unlike Alice. But she had good reason.

"You are ignoring my question. Who was lurking around Bella's house last night?"

"Do you really want my answer, Jasper?" She asked, honestly. Why wouldn't I want the answer?

"Yes. I do."

"Are you - -"

"YES! I'm sure! Who was it?" I was nearly shouting now.

"Edward." She stated calmly. I rolled my eyes.

"Edward is dead."

She shook her head negatively once. "No, he's very much alive."

I growled quietly. "What are you talking about?! I watched them tear him to pieces! They burned him alive! He's dead!"

"You're wrong." She stated again. "He's alive."

She had to be lying, or joking...or anything. How could Edward be alive?

"You should be happy. Most people would be, finding out that their brother is alive after days of thinking he was dead." She paused, then added, "But I suppose in your case. You wouldn't be."

I was angry now. This was some kind of a joke! It had to be! "Alice if you're joking..." I growled again, "How could he be alive? Explain." I was trying hard to keep my temper in check.

She took a deep breath, then began her story. "You're right; Edward was torn to shreds and then burned, but a small fragment. A fragment!" She emphasized, "Wasn't burned. I noticed it, moving, after the fight. The wolves were furious and had already left with Quil and Jared in tow. Rosalie had already begun rampaging about Bella coming back. Esme was a total wreck, and you, obviously, had already run off with Bella. I noticed it, the piece of Edward that is, and sat it on top of the rest of Edward's ashes. For some reason I couldn't see whether or not he would regenerate from such a small piece. It seemed unlikely. So I chose not to give Esme and Carlisle what could be false hope. Later on that night, I heard rustling outside my window. It took him nearly 6 hours, but he had slowly regenerated. When I went to confront him I noticed his edginess. Honestly, he reminded me of a newborn. I said his name and he didn't recognize it. He's lost his memory. All of his memories. The only part of his life that he remembers is his human life. How that can be, I have no idea."

I couldn't bring myself to speak, taking in every word of her story. It seemed so unlikely. But I knew she was telling the truth. "You've been...with him?" I let out.

She nodded. "Trying to convince him to stay around Washington. Trying to help him remember."

"We should tell Bella." I added. Although I wasn't too partial to the thought. No doubt Bella would go running for him the first chance she got.

"Why? It would only hurt her more. Knowing that he's out there, but doesn't remember her."

"Is he still...sticking to our diet?" I asked.

She shook her head again. "He laughs out loud if I even mention the idea to him."

Suddenly I remembered. "And you let him come near Bella?" I spat the words.

"What was I supposed to do, Jasper?" She pleaded. "I knew he wouldn't try anything when you were around."

"I have to go." I said more quietly. "I can't just leave her alone when he's looking to kill her."

"He doesn't want to kill her Jasper. I think he's only curious. He sees her in my mind. He knows that he used to be in love with her. Besides, he and I are leaving soon. He's agreed to come with me to visit Rosalie and Emmett. Aren't you even curious where they are?"

I didn't respond. I wouldn't feel guilty.

She lowered her head again to look at her hands, "Jasper, please."

I sighed, "Alice, we've been together for almost a hundred years. We've talked about this before. I wasn't made for this life Alice. I don't mind sticking to drinking animal blood. But I wasn't made to just sit around the house all day. I was never meant to try and not be noticed. That's just not who I am. And for the last century I've felt like I haven't been able to be myself. And lately...It's been feeling like there is a chance I can bring my old self back. And I'm sorry if that hurts you. But you've known that I was unhappy for a while, Alice."

Her breath came slower now. I would say she was fighting back tears...If she could produce tears. "I hope you enjoy yourself. I really hope she's really worth all this." She stopped speaking. It was so unlike Alice to be so bitter. But she had good reason.

I felt her anguish. And my own. Her plea had made me think of a happier time. Before her and I had met up with Carlisle and Esme...and Edward. When I hadn't begun to resent her for our choice of lifestyle. The choice that she had made and expected me to follow without question, but I couldn't stay, and I honestly didn't want to. So I left. And she didn't follow.

Shortly after I walked away from the house, my cell rang.

"Alice?" I was impatient to get back to Bella. Who knew if my zombie brother would be 'curious' again sometime soon?

"I just had a vision. She needs you. Quileute territory, heading south in the forks river."

"Damn it! I thought Sam had banned her from Quileute land!" I broke into a run now.

"He did. I don't know why she's there." And with that the phone went dead.

**Bella's POV - **

Okay, I could admit now, this had definitely been a bad idea. The twigs and branches were relentless as they tore into my skin. But I couldn't stop running. Sure, I didn't really think that the wolves would really hurt me, but I swore I heard pounding in the distance as if they were making sure that I really left.

And what was I supposed to do about my truck!? Stupid thing wouldn't start when I needed it most. I wondered if Jacob would fix it for me...and have one of the other werewolves bring it back to me. But as angry as Sam was at seeing me on Quileute land, chances are they would dump it in the river!

I ran next to the river now, knowing that if I followed it long enough I would hit the Forks border eventually. Tears streaked my face and clouded my vision, with that and my untidy hair flying in my face it was almost impossible to see. I was surprised that I had only tripped once. The ground near the river was surprisingly dry and the leaves crackled beneath my feet. It reminded me of that faitful day, when Jasper and I had trekked through the woods to the highway...That day that seemed so long ago...

My foot caught something and I fell face first into the dried leaves, I could hear the river roaring just a few feet away. At first I had thought that I had fallen into a hole, but then the ground shifted beneath me and I felt myself falling, along with a large chunk of the ground along the side of the river. I let out a scream while falling and another silent scream as I fell into the river and its cool water filled my mouth. I struggled to remain upright, but the current seemed too strong. I began to panic, flailing my arms and legs in an attempt to right myself. Continuously the river pulled me down, allowing me only a quick breath of air at sporadic intervals. I knew that I wouldn't be long until the river emptied into the ocean, I just had to hold on till then. Apparently the wolves hadn't really been following me after all, because I would like to think that they would jump in and save me if they had seen me fall in. I began to feel dizzy from lack of oxygen. Remembering the one other time that I had been drowning...

A pair of arms were suddenly around me, one push from the bottom of the river and we flew out of the water, the owner of the arms landing gracefully. Me flailing around helplessly like a rag doll.

"What is wrong with you!?" A familiar voice shouts in my ear. But the ringing in my head doesn't allow me to respond. I knew the voice was wrong. It wasn't a werewolf. I opened my eyes slowly to the most beautiful face I'd ever seen. But frowned,

"You're not supposed to be here, you have to leave." I choked. Worried that the wolves would find him on Quileute land and tear him to shreds. He didn't respond. But instead began running, headfirst through the woods. He somehow managed to miss every twig and branch, it made me feel clumsy and...human. I knew exactly when we hit the Forks border because he stopped and sat me down on the cold ground. I was shivering. The water wasn't the warmest in early October. He slid off his jacket and gently placed my arms through the sleeves, I began to argue,

"I can do it my--" But he had already finished. I felt like a toy doll. I lifted my eyes and saw him staring down into my face. He gently placed his hands on either side of my face and leaned down to kiss me softly. I didn't respond, just sat still as his lips brushed mine once, twice, three times.

"What is wrong with you?" He repeated again more softly this time. I frowned.

"Nothing is wrong with--" He stopped me again with another kiss. It wasn't fair.

I attempted to explain, "I was sitting around the house, thinking of how I hadn't spoken to Jacob because of Sam's orders. So I thought if I went and spoke to Sam he would...forgive me, forgive the cullens," I looked up sheepishly, "and the Hales." I added, "I thought if maybe I apologized...He would--"

He wasn't listening. It was obvious. So I let my sentence trail off. What was the point in talking if no one was listening? He swooped me up bridal style and began a brisk run through the woods once again. Not even seeming to notice that I had stopped talking.

"I wonder if Edward ever grew tired of saving your life." He said nonchalantly as he ran.

"No I don't think he did." I mumbled, "And he was better at it." Jasper's reaction was different than I would have expected. He laughed out loud.

"I didn't realize that there was a grading scale. I assumed that a 'successful' save simply meant you weren't dead when I finished."

I laughed too, "No, there's more to it than that!" I slapped him playfully with my hand. "You have to make sure you don't give me a concussion while doing it either. I thought I was going to have brain damage after the way you flung me around. I was drowning for christ sake! You have to be gentle."

He laughed harder this time. "Well believe me, Bella. I'm fairly sure you already have brain damage, considering you went onto Quileute land to plead with wolves, knowing that you weren't welcome there." He shook his head again, "And I will try my hardest to be gentle. But I don't really think it's in my nature."

I tried not to blush at his double entendre. But of course it didn't work. And he laughed one more time before asking,

"Your place or mine? I don't know if Charlie is home."

His sentence took me by surprise, I wasn't used to being around someone who didn't know everything before it happened. And I smiled, when it came to the future, Jasper and I were both in the dark. Something I had never been since I'd had a run in with vampires. And I had the feeling that Jasper didn't mind the idea either.

**Edward's POV - **

"We should probably get going." She said quietly.

"What's the rush?" I responded. Not sure why she wanted to drag me to meet another couple of vampires, what good would it do? If I didn't recognize them in her memories, I wouldn't recognize them face to face either.

"Well, I already informed them that we were coming for one. And for two, Jasper is on his way here, with Bella."

I raised my eyebrows, "Well maybe we really should stay then. I would love to meet this husband of yours. My father used to tell me there was no use in an unfaithful man."I listened to her wind chime laugh.

"You're forgetting that your father told you that almost a century ago. There is no such thing as a faithful man nowadays." I stood up abruptly and reached out toLift her chin with my finger.

"That's not true." I wanted her to believe me. Although I had no real proof, I knew that I would never be unfaithful.

"Yeah well, maybe not for you, you're stuck in the early 1900's." She turned away. "Let's get going. I _do not_ want to be here when Jasper gets here. And believe me, you don't either."

I growled, "What is that supposed to mean?"

She rolled her eyes, "What is with men and their ego trips? Jasper was made to fight, and win, that's all he did in his human life, and that's all he did before meeting me. I've watched you and Jasper fight before, he always wins."

I growled again, "Why don't we wait until he gets here and find out?"

"So you can kill Bella, Edward? She's with him. And you will kill her if you stay here. You aren't strong enough yet to resist blood like hers."

"No, I want to speak to this husband of yours."

I watched as she tensed. She was having another vision. I watched through her mind's eye. I watched myself waiting outside of the house we stood in now. It was dark. Her husband, Jasper, comes to meet me. Growling and wanting to fight. I move my lips, as if I'm speaking to him. _'Let's let her decide.' _It was an eerie feeling, watching yourself do something that you know you've never done...But would do. I was intrigued by this young girl. Surely Alice was telling the truth, whether it was her blood or her mind, or a little of both that drew me to her, I wanted to know. But Jasper wouldn't let me near her. I would have to speak to him, and convince him that the only way to know what Bella wants is to ask her in person.

"He hasn't told her about you. And I don't think he's going to." Alice had come out of her vision. "She won't understand."

I smiled, "I just want to know about who she is, see what she is thinking." What I really wanted to know is whyonly six days after my supposed death, she was already shacking up with some other vampire?

"You can't see her thoughts Edward. We've discussed that.." Alice quipped.

"Exactly why I intend on seeing into her thoughts the old fashioned way, through conversation."

"He won't let you speak to her."

"I can be very persuasive."

"How would you know, I'm the only person you've ever spoken to, as a vampire,that you can remember."

"Well, I intend on changing that tonight." I held back a laugh as Alice once again rolled her eyes.

**Jasper's POV - **

"I guess I'll just leave a note."

"Saying...You're running off for the night with your ex's brother?"

"If you're so smart, tell me what I should put!"

"I never said I was smart."

"That's not helping."

"Say...You've decided to go camping, by yourself, in the woods, and not to come look for you, because you're 'bonding' with nature."

"I could say that I decided to go camping with some new friends. But I don't think that will go over too well in the morning."

I sighed, suddenly annoyed, "You're 18 years old Bella. Does it really matter what you tell your father?"

"Yes it matters!"

"Just stick with the new friends story. Hurry up, I'm anxious to get home." ...I'm anxious to get _you_ home... is what I should have said.

I watched her quickly jot down the note on the back of a lime green add for 'Antonio's Pizza Palace'. She quickly folded the note in half and sat it on the coffee table. Before turning to me.

"Let me grab some clothes real quick and we can go." With that, she turned and bounded up the stairs.

"I don't think you'll be needing any clothes." I said quietly enough that I knew she couldn't hear. I listened to her footfalls on the floor above my head and counted the steps that she made as she danced around her room, collecting the clothes that she wouldn't be needing.

"Ready!" She said after a few moments and led the way to the open door, a small duffel bag over her shoulder. Once outside I scooped her up, again bridal style and began running toward my home.

"You should invest in a car." I heard her murmur, halfway through the run. I laughed, she really didn't think that I owned a car?

"Maybe I prefer carrying you."

"Maybe I would prefer being driven." I laughed again. But the car comment reminded me how little Bella and I actually knew about each other. I decided that tonight we would fix that. If I was going to be with this girl...I should know all about her, and she should at least know what kind of car I owned.

**Bella's POV - **

It was strange being alone in this home with Jasper, and it was also strange taking a shower in his over-the-top luxurious bathroom as well. It was kind of a strange feeling to be in a shower, where every direction you turn, water is coming straight for your face, and the four shower heads were so high I couldn't even reach to adjust them. The water almost stung as it hit my back, falling from such a distance, but I suppose this shower was built more for a vampire's use than a human's.

I exited the shower just to yelp and get back in when I saw Jasper sitting on the closed toilet seat lid just outside the door.

"What are you doing in here!?" I shouted, hearing my voice reverberate off of the high ceiling and glass walls of the shower.

"It's not like I haven't seen you naked before Bella." His voice was deep, and obviously meant to put me on edge. I blushed, thankful that the thick steam had fogged up the glass enough that he couldn't see me. Or at least...a human wouldn't be able to see me. I wasn't sure if he could see me or not. I quickly turned away from him and covered my breasts with my hands.

"Get out of here!" I shouted. He simply laughed, but I didn't hear him move. "I look like a wet rat!"

"Oh I beg to differ, Isabella. I would only have to wait a few more minutes... and you would look perfect." I blushed harder this time.

"I'm serious...Get out!" He laughed again, but I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard the bathroom door close softly. I peeked my head out of the shower door, careful to keep my body hidden behind the fogged up window.

He was gone.

I stepped out and quickly ran to lock the door, thenbegan the process of drying out my hair and the rest of my body. After dressing I walked out into Jasper's room. Or I should say, Jasper and Alice's room. A place I probably was never meant to be. I sighed. A different time, a different place. But maybe this was the right time? And this was meant to be my place.

Guilt again. No, this wasn't right. But would I stop it? No, I wouldn't. Who could resist Jasper Hale?

**XOXOXO**

**And there you go! Nothing too great here...Just a filler chapter I suppose. I plan on keeping the story under 10 chapters though, so don't give up on me.**

**Next chapter: Edward confronts Jasper...Jasper and Bella set some standards before their first time. And Alice and Edward have some...interesting moments.**

**Sorry that it took me so long to update. For some reason I thought you guys would take a few days to get in those 135 reviews...But instead I got them in less than 12 hours...Before I had finished this chapter! LOL. So we'll say the next update will come at only 170 reviews, that's 35 that you guys need in. I promise at least some citrus in the next chapter if not more. **

**Special thanks to: kaylamarie2012, ADailyAntheM, acw1, mckennaismyworld, chiahead, shelbron, Chibi-Kari, NCChris, Merina Green, KacyLee, iLiya11, lanna-misssunshine, TwistedforTwilight, that-1-amber-girl, jasperbabe05, luvmesomejasper, JaspersDestiny, PJJ0930, Jasper's Dark Angel, solemariecullen, Dahlia DeWinter, luvinjazz, armyprincess, brooklynsam3, Satr, mrsalreyami, IzzieRie09, TLMorris, LunarEclipse1, eleganttheist, ally0994, Kuki86, JaspersBella, GemmaLisa, AriesFireQn and four-letter-word. For reviewing on the last chapter! You have them to thank for this chapter being posted!!**

**Amy – Sorry I don't consider being called, immature and being criticized about wanting reviews constructive criticism on my abilities as a writer. **


	7. Chapter 7

**- Chapter seven. The first confrontation.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**Setting: I would say somewhere in the middle of Eclipse. After Edward proposes but before they even learn that Victoria is coming with the newborns. **

**Chapter dedication:**** This one is for ADailyAntheM! For faithfully reviewing every chapter since the very beginning! And you're almost always one of the first reviewers! I didn't overlook you darling!**

**Also, props to my Beta, Chiahead. Who's comments and English skills helped make these last two chapters possible.**

**Oh and sorry that I didn't get around to responding to all the reviews that came in like I usually do. Any free time I had went into finishing this chapter! Thank you!**

**XO - Chapter 7 – OX**

"_"When you have loved unconditionally one man and lost that love, it leaves a wound that never heals, a sad and broken heart, a void forever." _

**XOXOXO**

**Edward's POV - **

"Why don't you just come with me _now_? We can meet up with Rosalie and Emmett and then find Carlisle and Esme. Try to pick up where we left off." She looked up into my eyes. She didn't need to speak. I read her thoughts, "_Jasper has made it very clear that he doesn't want to stay with our family any longer, even if Bella wasn't in the picture. There is no going back now."_

I heard the sadness in her voice and saw it in her mind's eye. Although sometimes she annoyed me to no end, I felt sympathy for this poor girl. I quickly moved next to her and in what was a surprisingly familiar gesture I pulled her to me. She didn't hug me back, however. She only stiffened in my hold, closing her eyes. I read the panic in her mind. She questioned what was happening between us. Even I couldn't be sure. I released her slowly. Looking down into her eyes. I saw pain, and knew that she was hurting because of this. That I was causing her pain by choosing to confront Bella and her dog of a husband instead of leaving with her and probably never coming back. But before I could worry about the future, I had to deal with my past. I couldn't just leave what had once been my life behind, even if I didn't remember any of it. Because I had grown to know Alice, and I couldn't let this injustice her husband had caused go unnoticed. Ignored, as Alice would want it. Because I knew, deep in her mind. She wanted him and only him. If that meant I had to take his new found mistress away from him, I would. A favor to Alice. My only friend in this cruel world.

"I need to go. I promise that I won't hurt that girl, or your tramp of a husband." She opened her eyes instantly, rolling them and throwing her hands in the air in defeat. She wouldn't stand in my way any longer. Now that I knew this, I ran away from her, ran toward what had once been my home. Or so I had been told.

"This is idiotic Edward. You're going to get yourself hurt." I listened to her call out to me as I ran. I didn't respond. I just kept running. It was almost dark now. I would stay just far enough in the woods that he wouldn't catch my scent. Then when I knew he was away from Bella...I would walk to the edge of the trees and wait for him to come find me.

**Bella's POV - **

I walked across the hardwood floor of Alice and Jasper's room, taking it all in. There was something very intimate about being in his room, his room, a room I had never set foot in. But it was a bittersweet intimacy. This was the room that Jasper and Alice had spent a lot of time together...a lot of time doing....The things that two people in love do.

My cheeks were burning. I knew that I was blushing. It was embarrassing to think of Jasper and Alice together. So wrong, in so many ways. Suddenly, I caught something moving out of the corner of my eye and I screamed when I saw...Jasper...standing in the doorway.

"Gah! What is wrong with you?" I shouted, angry because he had frightened me.

He laughed, "I'm sorry! I'll try to make a noisier entrance next time." And with that, he was by my side in a flash pulling me into his arms, against his body. I felt the laughter rolling in his chest.

It made me happy to think that he seemed to laugh so much more since our relationship had eveolved.

I laid my hands against his stone chest, feeling him unnecessarily pull air into his lungs. His shirt was open again, just a few buttons, but enough so that the dip of his collar bone was exposed. I pressed my ear to his ice cold chest, listening to the quiet sound of his lungs inflating and deflating, and the silence in between that marked the fact that his heart wasn't beating. Why had I been expecting a heartbeat? I slowly turned my head to stare into his neck, pressing my lips gently to the shallow place where his neck and chest met. I heard him groan quietly, and then slightly push me away from him. Looking down into my eyes.

"I promised myself… I swore that I would hold back; get to know you better before … Well before this goes any further." He gestured toward him and I with his hand. Then placed it back on my waist. "But when you touch me, even the slightest touch, it makes me forget it all."

I blushed again, how could he be so direct about it? How could he just sit there and say, 'Hey I want to talk for a little bit before we make love.' But Jasper wasn't just an everyday kinda guy. He didn't care if he embarrassed me, he wants something...and he wants me to know what he wants. It's that simple.

I cleared my throat. "Should I not touch you at all then?"

He growled slightly. "You can stop touching me, if you really want to. But I will never stop touching you now." He ran his hands down across my hips down the sides of my thighs and then slowly brought them back up to my lower back. Emphasizing his words.

"I don't think I could stop even if I wanted to." I wrapped my arms around his neck, threading my fingers through his thick golden hair. "And I definitely don't want to."

He smiled, leaning his head down to brush his lips against mine. "Okay then, now that we have that settled. I think we should move to the living room. I can barrage you with my questions."

I frowned.

He laughed again, "But first I'll get you some food."

My stomach growled in response. I noticed that this was the first time that Jasper had ever shown any interest in the fact that I was human.

Then another first happened. Jasper, probably without even thinking about it, reached down and laced his fingers in mine, and without looking at me, pulled me toward the stairs. His fingers were very cold, colder even than his chest had been. But his gesture sent a wave of adoration through me. I wasn't sure if this was him accidentally transferring his emotions to me, like he had in the past. Or if this was my own feeling, because it seemed so strange to be holding Jasper's hand. But at the same time, it was a pleasure that went far beyond lust. Touching the delicate strings of my heart and pulling, ever so slightly on them. This man, who had known so much death, and violence in his life, tenderly intertwining his fingers in mine in what one might consider a different kind of lovers embrace. It made my heart flip over, as if seeing him in a new light. As if, Jasper was not only something that I wanted around for selfish reasons, that I wanted around only to comfort me, that I wanted around only to ... pleasure me ... He was suddenly someone that I could some day love. Someone that I couldn't lose. Someone with feelings, and passion, and resolve, and someone that could love me too. There could be something more between us. Something more than lust. I could be with this man. He could be my boyfriend. He could be my everything. He could be my love.

If only he wanted me.

**Jasper's POV - **

I felt her tense when I grabbed her hand and I immediately regretted doing it. But to pull away now would be admitting that I thought that I had done something wrong. And I hadn't. If I wanted to hold her damn hand, I would. But I couldn't fight back the nagging regret. She didn't seem to want me holding her hand. Why would she? And I didn't even remember consciously deciding to suddenly capture her hand! Bella brought me back to a simpler time, a happy time. When there were no wars, or killing, when I was a child. And grabbed my friend by the hand to pull them to the next adventure, or grabbing my mother by the hand to show her whatever new treasure I had found. It was easy with Bella. Simple.

We'd reached the living room and I quickly dropped her hand, heading straight for the kitchen, trying my best not to look upset.

"Okay..." I tried to speak loud enough so that she would hear me in the living room, "We have...Cereal...But no milk...Spaghetti..." Why hadn't I stocked the fridge? "Um, potato chips. Frozen french fries...popcorn..."

"Ooh! Popcorn!" I heard her shout. I quickly grabbed a bag of popcorn, ripped off the plastic packaging while shoving it in the microwave. While I waited, I listened carefully to her frequent laughter at the television, amusing myself with her unusual choice of T.V. show.

Approximately two minutes and forty five seconds later, I stood next to her, bowl of popcorn in hand. When she noticed me, she quickly removed her legs from the short sofa and placed them on the floor. I smiled. Always so courteous. I sat the popcorn on the coffee table and sat myself next to her on the loveseat. She eagerly grabbed for the pop corn while I reached down and eagerly grabbed her legs, pulling them up onto my lap, she sounded her surprise, but adjusted quickly enough, leaning back into the plush arm of the seat, and placing the popcorn bowl on her stomach. She then reached over, grabbing the remote from the coffee table and turned the volume down.

"Okay, so, we start the questions. Right?" She popped a few pieces of salty popcorn in her mouth and I watched her fingers gently touch her lips. Who knew popcorn could be so seductive?

"Sure." I paused, preparing my first question. But she beat me to it.

"So why don't you have a car?" She began.

I raised an eyebrow. "I thought I was asking the questions?"

She shook her head dramatically, while closing her eyes, "Nope. I get to ask questions too."

I laughed at her childlike demeanor. "Fine." I paused. "I do have a vehicle."

She opened her eyes, "You do?"

"Yes."

"What?! Then why have you been carrying me around this entire week!" She dropped her handful of popcorn back into the bowl.

"Like I said. I prefer to carry you." I answered. Smiling.

"But I've never seen you drive _anything_!"

"Maybe I don't enjoy driving!" I smiled at the banter, "I prefer transportation with four legs, or my own two." She stared out me without speaking for a moment. I could almost hear the light bulb flicker in her head. "Horses, Bella."

"Oh!" She smiled, pushing more popcorn into her mouth. I shook my head. She worried me sometimes.

"And I drive a truck actually. Not a car."

She smiled, "I like trucks."

I smiled back, mostly because I was surprised that I knew something about her that I had never actually acknowledged. She liked trucks. "I know." My response was a beat late. "What's your favorite food?" I quickly jumped in to the next question.

She thought for a moment, then decided, "I really like mushroom ravioli." I felt a strange hint of sadness wash over her for the briefest of moments, but it was gone as soon as it came. And I decided not to ask. But that _was_ a very strange choice.

"I'll have to remember that."

She smiled, "You should." She pressed her first finger into her lips as she looked up toward the ceiling. Deep in thought for a moment. "What were your parents names?"

It took me at least a full second to remember. I hadn't thought of my parents in a long time. "Cheryl and Roger."

"Cheryl and Roger Whitmore?"

I frowned deeply. And she noticed.

"Whitley?" She tried to save her mistake, but made it worse.

"Whitlock." I said sternly, "Cheryl and Roger Whitlock." I paused. "Just like I'm really Jasper Whitlock."

"I'm sorry. I think I knew that." She said slowly. I tried not to be upset. And I really wasn't upset with _her_. Just a little disappointed that she hadn't even bothered to learn my last name in all the time we'd known each other. But again, I couldn't be upset with her. I'm sure Edward had only referred to me as Jasper Hale. Rosalie and I, the two Hales in the Cullen house. Just another unintentional way to point out how different we were. Besides, before now had she ever had any reason to know my last name? Did she have any reason even now?

"You're turn." She prodded. Obviously trying to cut the tension in the air.

"Okay, how far, did you and Edward..." I felt her heart jump, she was nervous, "...ever get? Like...How many sex--"

"I know what you mean Jasper _Whitlock_." She added extra emphasis on my last name. Only accentuating the thrill that I got from her saying my full name. "I don't think that's really any of your business." She seemed a little upset now. But more embarrassed than anything. But I didn't want to let it go, I was insanely curious.

"I answered your questions. And I'm only curious." I smiled rubbing her calf with my hand, hoping that the friction would help warm her up to the idea of being honest with me. It seemed to work. She blushed lightly.

"Not very much." She admitted. I listened to her heartbeat flutter. Why was she so nervous? "We had kissed. Made out...if you will. That's just about it. We had talked about doing more, but only...after..." She trailed off. But I didn't hear much of what she was saying anyway. How could Edward have had her this whole time and not done anything more with her? Was he so noble that he wouldn't be with her, until after they were married? Did that make him better than me in her eyes?

"That man must have had the control of a god." I shook my head slowly.

She laughed. But I felt the regret she emanated. "Apparently he did."

Didn't she know the effect she had on me? I couldn't take her sadness. I couldn't take the feeling of rejection Edward had given her. I moved quickly. Pulling myself up and positioning myself between her legs. I held myself above her, my hands pressing into the loveseat and my lips capturing hers in an instant. She quickly recovered from her shock and returned my kiss. Wrapping her arms gently around my neck. Gently pulling me down to her. I groaned involuntarily. Removing one of my hands from the couch and moving down to her stomach. Pushing underneath her shirt and sliding up her warm stomach. I heard her moan, and felt the hammering vibrations her heart created against my hand as I moved closer to her breast. I cupped it eagerly, the scratchy fabric of her bra an amazing contrast to the heavenly silk that was her skin. She released my mouth and turned her head to the side, her breath becoming ragged. Her eyes closed. Simply from my hand on her breast.

I wanted to show her more.

I wanted to show her everything. Every pleasure that Edward could not.

I took in a deep breath to speak to her. But something caught my attention instead. Probably one of the only things that could drag me away from her at this point.

Edward.

Edward was here.

I growled immediately without thinking about it. She jumped at the noise, her eyes opened wide. Her hands slid from around my neck. But I didn't have time to explain. I pulled her off of the couch and ran with her up the stairs. Dropping her on the bed in my room. I ran to the window and threw it open. Searching in the darkness. Finding saw his dark form. He was smiling. I snarled again and Bella rushed to my side.

"What the hell is going on?!" She shouted. I slammed the window shut, and dragged her back to the bed.

"Stay here. I need to...speak to someone outside." I tried my hardest to be patient and control my voice. After all, she had no idea what was going on. And that too, was my fault. Why didn't I just tell her about Edward? No. Now definitely was not the time for news like that.

"Do not come to the window. It's too dangerous. Please...Please stay on the bed." I'd never pleaded with anyone in my life. But I had to convince her to stay away from the window. I walked with her to the bed, "You have to trust me. Just trust me, I'll be right back. I promise." God forbid she see me fighting with Edward. And Edward wouldn't be able to control himself if he smelled her. I growled a third time and ran for the window. Shoving it open once again and leaping outside, I clung to the window sill with my left hand, my feet planted up against the bricks of the house. I watched her stare at me in bewilderment. I sent her a wave of calm and quickly closed the window with my free hand. Dropping to the ground after glancing at her once more.

Turning quickly. I saw him smiling still. My anger took over and I ran at him full force, grabbing him by the arm, and pulling him further into the woods. I was surprised when he didn't resist. And he seemed calm. Apparently, he wasn't here for a fight. I finally let go, a good 100 yards into the woods.

"I should rip you apart just for thinking about coming here!" I roared. He smiled again.

"Why? Are you afraid that she'll see me alive and won't want you anymore?"

I stuttered for a moment, his words surprised me. It surprised me how accurate they were...

"You don't even remember her! Why would I be worried?" At that, he laughed out loud. His cool demeanor was, frankly, pissing me off.

"I think you're forgetting that I can read your mind." He stated. Again, all too calm. Didn't he realize I was a fraction away from tearing him apart?

"Why are you here? What could you possibly want from her?" I tried to act calm. But the emotions were raging inside me.

"I simply want to see her. Ask her a few--" I roared in outrage, interrupting his sentence.

"You'd kill her! And you know it!" Now his demeanor changed. Apparently reminding him of his lack of self control was a soft spot.

"You haven't even told her I'm alive!" He bared his teeth, "If you love this girl so much, you should be noble enough to let her decide! See who she would be happy with!" I growled and bared my teeth in response.

"You don't even remember her!!" I repeated. He scoffed.

"But she remembers me, and that's all I need."

I roared again. Frustrated beyond belief. "You don't love her! You know nothing about her! You only know that she wants someone else, and you're jealous!" I watched his demeanor change yet again, to a more controlled tone.

"I could say the exact same words to you." He said slowly.

I took his words in slowly. He was right. I was jealous of him and I didn't know anything about her. Did I love her? Could I love her? Those were questions I had planned on answering later. Once I was sure that the lust was...out of the way.

"What about Alice? You're wife?" He was trying to make me feel guilty now.

"What about her?" I shouted. "We spoke. We decided to go our separate ways. Not that it's any of your business!" I was getting very impatient now. "Tell me what the hell you want, then leave. And don't come back!"

He snarled, feeding my anger. "Let her decide! See if she wants to speak with me! Just ask her! I guarantee you she'll want to at least know I'm alive!"

"And that's exactly why I will not ask her if she wants to speak to you." I said coolly.

"Selfish." He snarled in response. Then bounded past me, toward the edge of the woods. I ran after him, but he had always been faster than me. He made it to the edge, and began scaling the bricks of the house, heading for the window where Bella stood. Although I had told her not to look out. Stupid, disobedient girl.

I quickly leaped from the ground, just barely catching up to Edward. I latched my hand onto his ankle. He growled, but I quickly pushed off from the house, and pulled us both down to the dirt. Slamming Edward as hard as I could into the ground. He rebounded quickly and knocked me over with sheer speed. I waited for him to loop around and come back at me. I moved quickly to the side when his next speedy attack came and this time instead of my chest, my claws were there waiting for him. Gouging into his right side and tearing away a layer of clothing while creating four identical gashes in his side. He slowed for a moment and I took advantage, lunging at him, and pulling him up from the ground with one hand on his neck. I slammed him into a nearby tree and felt it shake with the impact. My other hand was used to hold his left hand to the tree.

"I swear to god. You come within 100 yards of Bella again, I'll rip you to shreds and I promise that this time, you'll lose a lot more than your memory." The fingers of my right hand twitched, emphasizing how easy it would be to tear out a large chunk of his neck right now. I'm sure he wouldn't be as fast as he was now without a head. But he was still my brother, in a way. And I wouldn't hurt him...yet. "Are you going to leave now?" I growled. Looking up into his blood red eyes. I felt him growl in response. But I knew he wasn't stupid enough to stay. So I pulled him forward and shoved him a good twenty feet into the woods. "Leave." I stated simply. He glared at me for a few moments and then turned.

"This doesn't mean that I won't be back." I heard him growl, and then he was gone.

I quickly climbed back up to the window where I had left Bella. I saw her looking down at me and I wondered how much of the fight she had seen. I pushed it open and she jumped back.

"What was going on out there? Who were you fighting with?!" She started frantically. I was semi-relieved that she didn't know. But then again...that just meant I would have to tell her later. I didn't know how to answer her question right now. I didn't want to lie. But I didn't want to ruin this night together either. Who knew when we would have another opportunity like this? Edward was gone for the night. And right now, Bella was still mine. Right now, she didn't want Edward, I knew that she only wanted me. And who knew how long I would have that?

**XOXOXO**

**Yay! The big lemon that everyone has been waiting for is coming up in the next chapter. I'm sorry it took so long to update, but I had a bit of writer's block. The next chapter is partially written already, so I don't think that you'll be waiting for that update long. **

**Special thanks to: Andromeda03, Jazz only loves me, ally0994, Satr, tahelovi, acw1, Merina Green, AriesFireQn, AliceW, ericsookie4eva, kiryasdoll, shelbron, brooklynsam3, that-1-amber-girl, Unfeigned, kaylamarie2012, JaspersBella, LunarEclipse1, rickiebeaumont, solemariecullen, iLiya11, NCChris, luvmesomejasper, TwistedforTwilight, Jasper's Dark Angel, Nobody42, four-letter-word and AdailyAntheM for reviewing the last chapter!**

**I promise that I will update after 222 reviews!! (Fun number huh?)**

**Yours truly,**

**Nikki**


	8. Chapter 8

** - Chapter eight. The juicy lemon you've all been so impatiently waiting for...**

** - Rated 'M' for a reason, explicit lemons as well as vulgar language.**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter dedication:**** This one is for Tweetiebird86, I hope that with this lemon I can make amends, because she seemed the most upset that Jasper would sleep with Bella before letting her know about Edward. So, I really hope that this lemon will make up for at least some of that darling!**

**Once again a special thanks to Chiahead, my beta! So very helpful she is, and deserves almost as much credit as I for this chapter! Thank you again!**

**XO - Chapter 8 – OX**

"_Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."_

_- Franklin P. Jones_

**XOXOXO**

"Hello?! Who was that out there?!" Bella shouted again, throwing her hands in the air. He looked like he was trying to make some kind of monumental decision. But what bothered her the most is that he didn't seem very keen to answer her questions. Who could he have been out there fighting with that he wouldn't want to tell her about?

She didn't have long to think about it. His lips were suddenly on hers. One moment he had been standing on the other side of the room, and the next he was smothering her with caresses. One of his hands around her waist, pulling her to him. The other in her hair, holding her lips against his. At first she tried to resist, but it didn't last long.

Their bodies slipped lower, falling effortlessly onto the plush black comforter that covered the bed. He removed his hand from her waist and used it instead to hold himself hovering above her. Momentarily he stopped his assault on her lips to begin unbuttoning his shirt with a single hand at an amazing speed. She tried to take advantage of her ability to speak. But it quickly vanished as he had already slipped out of his shirt and slipped back into her embrace. Positioning himself between her legs just like he had earlier, on the loveseat. He once again covered her lips with his as he ground his hips into hers. She immediately forgot why she had been angry in the first place and the two years that her parents had spent teaching her to speak, flew out the window in an instant as his hands eagerly began tugging on the hem of her shirt. She sat up slightly, lifting her arms to allow him to pull the shirt over her head in one fluid motion.

"Oh, Bella." He whispered and somewhere deep in her mind she realized he was speaking her name. She ran her hands down his toned back till she reached his jeans, slowly tracing the line of his belt around his waist till she reached the clasp in the front and fumbled with it, he choked out a single breathy laugh and stood up to quickly remove the belt himself. Then his hands were on her again, lifting her torso up with one hand to reach behind her with the other, skillfully snapping open her bra with little more than three fingers.

"_I'd like to see Edward do _that_." _He thought to himself. But then pushed that thought aside with a frown. This wasn't about a competition. This wasn't about proving himself. This was about the only night he may ever have with this perfect, wonderful woman. This was about giving each other what they both wanted, while they still wanted it. Because surely, once Bella knew that Edward was alive, she wouldn't give Jasper another glance. Was he being selfish? Spending this night with her without letting her know the truth about her former fiancé? Yes. Without a doubt this was one of the most selfish things he will ever do. But as he looked down into her beautiful brown eyes, half-hidden beneath long dark lashes; her mouth parted slightly and her chest rising and falling rapidly because of the passion he had ensued; he knew that it was worth nature was to take what he wanted, even when he knew it was wrong.

Yes, Edward was a better man. An unselfish soul in a cruel world. Was Jasper really going to take the virginity of this completely untouched woman, simply because it happened to be the thing he wanted most in the world?

"Jasper...Please." She called to him, her hand reaching down to tug on the button of his jeans.

You're damn right he was. He couldn't deny her wishes any more than he could deny himself the pleasure of spending this one night with this one woman. A night he would surely recall every night for the rest of his existence...

He gently removed her hand from his jeans. "So impatient." He whispered. Surprised at how foreign his own voice sounded to his ears. Deep and ragged, but suitable. Because simply having Bella around seemed to turn him into a different man. A better man. Or, considering the circumstances, a much worse man. Looking down he realized that she had already finished removing her bra. Feeling himself harden substantially at the sight of her half-naked.

"It's impossible to be patient when you look at me like that." She whispered in response, tracing her fingers down the contours of his chest. Sending chills of pleasure throughout Jasper's body simply because she was touching his skin. The effects this woman had on his body were incredible.

A moan escaped his closed lips as her hand traced his abs and her fingers reached the top of his jeans. She curled them around the waist band of his jeans and slowly slipped her fingers under the elastic of his boxers. He growled and quickly leaned down, capturing her pertnipple in his lips, pulling it deep within his cool mouth. She arched into his lips as his experienced hands moved toward her pants, unbuttoning them in one quick flick and pushing them down her hips. He let go of her breast only to stand and slide the jeans from her never ending legs.

After throwing the jeans to the floor he lifted one of her legs and began trailing soft cool kisses from the inside of her ankle, up her calf, trailing his lips along the inside of her thigh removing his lips only for a moment to breath cool air over the mound of her panties and then placing them once again on her lower stomach. His tongue lightly tracing the trail of her lacy underwear across her waist. Her heart beat frantically and she twisted her pelvis in reaction.

"Jasper..." She whispered. Her voice too, sounded foreign and otherworldly, a husky whisper that barely caught his ears. His hands went to her hips as his face came up once again to flick her neglected nipple with his tongue. She cried out again and ground her panty clad hips into his.

Her bold gestures surprised him. He'd never known a virgin to be so direct. But then again, he'd never known a virgin in this particular way either. His erection had hardened to such a point that it was by far the most pain he had felt in a long unforgivably against his jeans. Wanting desperately to simply be driven deep within her awaiting heat.

And god was she hot, in more ways than one. But he had to make this special for her. Something she would never forget. Something she would never want to forget. This beautiful girl...Was going to be his, in a way that went far beyond wedding papers and vows. She would be his, mind, body and soul, in this one night. He felt his mind sigh at the heart ache he would surely endure once Bella discovered that Edward was still alive, and she decided that she didn't need him anymore. But for tonight, they were together, and for tonight she was his.

He quickly pulled her up from the bed, and she expertly wrapped her legs around his waist. Their kisses had grown to a new passion. A desperate dance between mouths, twisting one way and then the next. He held her to him with one hand around her thigh, while he lithely unbuttoned his own jeans with the other hand. Letting them drop to the floor and stepping out of them as he lay himself back onto the bed, this time with her on top of him. He rested his hands on the tops of her thighs as she straddled him, pushing her down hard against his raging erection. Which was no longer hidden, but sprang up in the light fabric of his boxers. She gasped, but leaned backwards, her hands falling behind her onto the bedspread. He felt her hair brush gently against his legs, her hips moving in synchronization with his hands, grinding against his hard length. Her breasts bouncing with the rise and fall of her labored breaths.

God.

God damn.

He couldn't take it any more. He flipped her over and literally ripped her tiny panties off in a single pull. He would apologize later. Without hesitation he spread her legs with his own and pushed his two middle fingers deep into her heated core. He immediately growled with need at the feel of her. She gasped and flung her head back, her hips instantly bucking against his fingers and a desperate sound emerged from her a second sound came as he pushed his fingers deeper. He groaned uncontrollably.

Better even than his dreams. Even two fingers seemed to stretch her to the breaking point. Her heat nearly burned his fingers and even as his fingers sat still within her, more moisture poured out onto them. He decided to experiment further and used his thumb to gently rub the delicate nub above her opening. She cried out loudly this time, twisting her hips at his touch, one hand desperately gripping the blanket beneath her head, and the other lay tangled in her own hair.

He gritted his teeth, fighting the pain of his erection, rubbing her once again, and she shouted his name. That was the breaking point. He removed his hand and stood, and although it only took him a second to remove his boxers, it seemed like an eternity. He never moved his eyes from her form. One leg lying flat on the comforter, the other bent, one hand lay still next to her head and the other rested gently on her stomach. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips parted. Her luxurious hair pooled in messy tendrils around her head and shoulders. He quickly reclaimed her, lifting her from the comforter, with one hand behind her head and the other holding her back arching her breasts out to rub against his chest as he kissed her passionately. He felt as if he could cry, putting every tenderness he had ever felt in his life into this kiss, until he was forced to pull away to allow her a breath. He placed delicate kisses on her brow, the corner of her eye, the corner of her lips, her point of pulse feeling the warm blood pumping against his lips. But thirst was the last thing on his mind. The last thing on his list of wants. And he was sure he had never felt that way since becoming a vampire.

He trailed his lips down her throat and then back up again. Accentuating that for this moment, the burning thirst was gone. Bella was lost in his caresses, her hands finding purchase in his hair once again. She couldn't take the wait much longer. But he seemed to want to torture her for every moment. Finally taking their fate into her own hands, she reached down nervously, her hands finding his hardened cock. He immediately flung his head back moaning in response. She began to feel very nervous at the enormity of the situation. There was no way..._that _could possibly fit inside of her comfortably. She ran her hand unknowingly down his length and he groaned louder this time as she brought her hand back up; pulling against the ridge of his head.

He quickly removed her hands. Knowing he wouldn't last a second with her tiny hands pulling on him in such an intimate way. He wasn't an inexperienced boy, after all. He couldn't allow himself to cum so prematurely. But he knew it would be a struggle. Especially once he was inside her.

He threw her legs apart, trying his hardest not to get rough. But knowing it was beyond difficult at this point. Her eyes flew open, her heart pounding unforgivably against her ribs. She knew what was coming next, virgin or not.

He positioned himself so that the tip of his head was pressed gently against her opening. His breathing came in much more labored now, but only because of the control he was exuding simply by holding himself still.

She watched him settle his weight on the bed. Two strong arms on either side of her head. He stared down into her eyes and she read the desire on his face. Their emotions ran freely between each other now. She felt his passion, his desire, the lust that ran through his veins. The same passion, desire and lust that flowed through her own.

"Are you ready, Bella?" He paused. "Really ready for this?" He whispered. A twinge of devotion flowed through her. She wasn't sure if he recognized the emotion. But she was sure that there was not only love and adoration coming from her end, but from his as well. His heart seemed to speak to her, danced around her own and created a kind of longing in her that she had never experienced. A kind of emotion that spoke volumes, she knew he was feeling this too and watched as his mouth opened slightly, his eyes tightening as he looked down at her. This feeling was so new. So unexplainable, that they both were momentarily unable to move, unable to speak or think about anything but this new feeling.

"Jasper..." She whispered.

"Do you...feel that?" He whispered slowly. His face confused. She nodded her head slowly. He shifted slightly against her and it sent a new shock of adrenaline racing through their systems. Quickly the passion came back and all thoughts of the strange unknown feeling vanished.

"I'm ready Jasper." She whispered, "I need you."

Nodding, he lowered himself slowly onto his elbows, his face closer to hers now. And he closed his eyes as he pressed the tip of his erection against her, harder this time. Slowly she felt herself opening to him, the slick feeling between her legs increasing with the pressure.

He felt himself hit the barrier that was her maiden head. The barrier that marked her as a virgin. He couldn't bring himself to stop, so instead he nuzzled his face next to her pulse, whispering, "I'm so sorry." in her ear before he forced himself inside of her. She cried out, gripping the blanket behind her head while she thrashed from side to side. The pain nearly excruciating.

"I'm sorry." He whispered again his words broken behind his clenched teeth. His cock pulsed inside of her, begging for more, he was only half sheathed within her and everything in his being begged to be driven deep within her. But her pain sat at the forefront of his mind, so he struggled not to buck himself further inside of her. "I'm so sorry Bella." He whispered a third time. He counted her breaths, waiting for them to return to normal as she stilled beneath him. Her tight walls clenched around him, attempting to acclimate to his width that had so brutally invaded the untouched space. His cock twitched in response and he felt the first pearl of pre-cum seep from his head, making it even easier for him to move within her. But instead he waited moaning with the effort of keeping still.

"Bella..." He began warning her that he couldn't wait much longer. But she stopped him. Moving her hips against him gently, taking him in another quarter inch. Unable to control himself he slid the remainder of his length inside her slowly, feeling her opening stretch with this unfamiliar invasion. He pressed himself deep within her, until he felt her wetness touch his hips. He held himself that way, reveling in the feel of her around him.

This feeling was something he had never imagined possible. Now he knew why there were stories of vampires sleeping with young unsuspecting human women. This was surely the greatest feeling in the world. She was so damn tight, and so hot, thoroughly warming his cock, sending new sensations through his body. He had once compared sex to drinking human blood. Always second only to drinking human blood...

But now he knew that there was no comparison.

Nothing like this feeling.

He never wanted to remove himself from the heat; he would simply sit like this, forever. Her walls clutched him tightly making it feel as if he indeed would be captured there forever. But Bella broke the stillness, once again grinding her hips into his, and he groaned again.

"Bella." He spoke through gritted teeth. "Do you want me to cum right now?" Her eyes flew open and she blushed violently. He smiled and leaned down to kiss her. Never removing his hands from her hips, or pulling out of her. Her eyes closed, and he felt her hips move against him again.

Taking in a deep breath he slowly pulled out of her, reveling in the tug of her tight walls against the head of his penis. He pulled out nearly completely, and then plunged back in, once again feeling her walls stretch at the unfamiliar gesture. Bella made a tiny noise of pleasure that drove Jasper half mad.

He started out slow, giving her time to get used to his movements. He felt more pre-cum coat the tip of his penis and plunged into her again, momentarily wondering if he should be wearing a condom. But then silently laughed at his own thoughts. Sex for a vampire was strictly taboo, there was no chance of conception. He began slowly pushing back into her and she surprised him when she wrapped her legs around him, pulling him inside of her roughly, he groaned and her walls pulsed around him. His testicles slapped against her with the force. His eyes rolled into the back of his head with pleasure and he quickly picked up her pace using long, hard strokes. She moaned her approval with each and every thrust.

After a few rough thrusts he began to feel the first tremors of her climax shiver against him and began to slam into her faster. He was ready to make her cum for what was probably the first time in her life. Then it came. He felt her tight walls clamping down around him, attempting to draw his cum out of him, pulling relentlessly against his cock. She cried out in time with her orgasm, her nails pressing against the skin of his shoulder.

"Ah, Bella." He groaned as her walls continued to pull against him. She panted and arched her back as her walls continued to pulse. He fought the urge to cum and tried to put his mind elsewhere as he waited for her walls to begin to relax. She panted heavily, her shoulder blades finally touching back down to the bed. Her eyes fluttered open and he felt her walls relax enough around him for him to move. He began moving again slowly looking down into her eyes.

"There's more?" She whispered quietly. Looking surprised.

"Oh yes." He whispered too, although there was no need. "There is a lot more." He brushed his lips against hers and continued moving slowly moving in and out of her, knowing that her next climax wouldn't come as quickly. With each thrust he felt the tug on the head of his member and felt the tension build in his groin.

She began bringing her hips up to meet each of his thrusts pushing him deeper within her each time. This passion brought him to an ethereal plain and he knew that the feeling of love that was building within him could only be happening because of the intimacy of this moment. Looking down into her too beautiful face. Pushing into her too tight womanhood. Taking every ounce of pleasure that he could from this woman, and returning it to her in every way that he could.

Jasper had had women before. But nothing like this. She was different in not only the fact that she was human; there was something about this moment, something very different and immensely satisfying. Sex with Bella was defying fate. With each thrust, with each breath, with each and every look into each others eyes, there was a strange feeling of rightness, as if the heavens themselves had meant for this to happen someday and all of the universe sighed around them now that it was finally happening, now that they were together, the way they were meant to be.

He felt his climax begin to build once again and knew he wanted Bella to cum with him. He reached down between them and began to gently rub the nub above their joined bodies. She cried out again, just like she had first time and he felt her twitch around him. He knew it would be soon. He continued rubbing her clit in slow tight circles. But quickly picked up his pace as he came closer to his climax, ramming into her tight heat over and over until he reached his breaking point. Throwing himself into her a final time, he removed his hand from between them as he felt her climax around him once again. She cried out his name, her head flying back at a sharp angle, her hands twisting fiercely in his hair. Her violent orgasm began to suck him dry.

Bella felt him shudder and groan as his cock pumped cool liquid deep inside of her. He was so huge that it was borderline pain when her orgasm caused her to clamp down onto him, her walls fighting a never ending battle with his hard as stone cock. Her mind went crazy with sunrise colors as pleasure wracked through her body. She couldn't feel her limbs, or think of anything but this man and what he was making her feel. She did notice that although he was already deep inside of her, he still pressed himself to her in synch with the tremors that ran through his member. As she felt what seemed to be the last of his cum shoot inside of her the immense pleasure she had been feeling slowly began to fade to a dull tingling between her legs.

He laid himself gently on her chest and she welcomed the coolness of his skin. She was sticky with sweat and noticed that he still hadn't pulled out of her. But she didn't mind. She was happier than she could remember being in a long time. She didn't have enough strength to put her arms around him, so she only smiled trying to catch her panting breath.

He lifted his head and smiled too. "Sorry." He whispered, while slowly pulling out of her.

"What is there to be sorry for?" She whispered in response, still smiling.

He frowned for a fraction of a second, then smiled again. "Nothing." He leaned down and nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck. Gently kissing her neck with smooth cool lips.

What would he do if this woman left him? What would he do if she decided that she couldn't be with him if Edward was alive?

He didn't know. But at least now he knew, for sure.

He loved this woman, this wonderful, beautiful, human woman. And the rest of his existance would be changed, because of this night with her.

**Bella's POV -**

Deciphering the feelings that now lingered between Jasper and I was difficult. You always hear the warning, 'don't confuse lust and love', but you never really know what it means until you're in the position I was now.

No, I didn't mean lying naked in bed with a vampire.

I meant having sex with someone that you didn't think you were in love with. And then after you have sex...it feels as if you actually made love...as if love between yourself and your lover had been made sometime during the sex.

Now I lay in the arms of a man...With the feeling of love, but at a time where your feelings can't be trusted.

It was very difficult.

We'd been lying silently for quite some time now. Me laying with my head on his chest, and him idly running his fingers through my hair. Neither of us sure what to say. Neither of us wanting this moment to end. But suddenly I remembered a reason to speak...

"Jasper?" I whispered. My voice hoarse.

"Yes, Isabella?" He smiled. Happiness exuding from his very core.

"You never did tell me..." I paused. His happiness seemed to vanish in an instant. "Who was here? Who were you outside with?"

He frowned and slowly sat up. He sighed heavily and rubbed his face with his hands.

I was worried now.

"Is there anyway that I can go on without answering that?" He was frowning and I could feel some strange emotion coming from him. Animosity...Fear, anxiety, all very strange coming from him. Especially considering what we just did...

"No!" I was beginning to panic now, "No you have to answer me. What the hell was all this?" I gestured to the bed and between us, as if he were just using sex as a reason to prolong answering me. I instantly felt betrayed.

"Bella..." He began.

"No! Don't Bella me! Tell me who you were fighting with!" My voice actually sounded panicked now. I felt a wave of calm wash over me, but I panicked more! Why would he be trying to calm me!? Why wouldn't he just tell me? "What is your problem!" I shouted, "Why won't you just answer me!"

"Edward." He whispered.

Now I was on the verge of tears I was so irritated. "What are you talking about? Why won't you just answer me! Who were you fighting with?! Was it Alice? Were you out there, fighting with Alice!?"

I watched him shake his head. "You're overreacting Bella! If you want me to tell you, you need to calm down."

I took deep breaths...Trying to calm myself so that he would answer me. He helped...of course. "Okay, I'm calm. Now please, just answer me. Who were you fighting with?"

"Edward." He said his name again. "I was fighting with Edward."

The shock must have shown on my face. Oh wait, duh, he could feel the shock. "How could you be fighting....with...?" I trailed off.

He sighed, looking away from me and towards the door to the room. As if he were ready to bolt at any moment. "Because he's alive Bella," He whispered. My mind had a hard time taking in whatever craziness he was talking. "He's alive, but he doesn't remember you." He paused, shrugging. "He doesn't remember any of us. Or anything about his life as a vampire."

"You knew..." I couldn't form the words, "...this?" I finished finally.

He nodded, "Bella you have to understand. He doesn't remember any of this, if you were close enough for him to get your scent, he would have killed you. We couldn't let that happen, and you know that if you had known he was alive, you would have gone straight to him. I couldn't just let you..." He trailed off.

I started forming words in my mind, but my lips wouldn't move. My brain was at least able to come up with the fact that I was naked, and I quickly sprang up to begin dressing myself.

"What are you doing?" He questioned. I laughed inwardly, I thought it was pretty obvious that I was getting dressed. "Bella don't you have anything to say?" He questioned again. I laughed to myself again. Of course I didn't have anything to say. He was crazy. This was crazy...

There was no way.

"Bella." He said my name again. It was starting to get annoying now. "Bella, darlin', I--"

Suddenly I snapped. "DON'T!" I shouted. The only word I was actually able to form and voice. I couldn't push anything else out. I quickly dressed and began walking toward the door. But then he was next to me, hands on the tops of my arms. I noticed that he had managed to thrown on a pair of boxers.

"I know you're upset, and you have every reason to hate me, but--"

"Don't." I stated again, holding my hand up to his chest. Not sure what I was feeling. Not sure if the only reason I hadn't completely freaked out was because he was manipulating my feelings. The only solution to that was to get away from him. Which was proving difficult because he wouldn't stop following me.

Edward was alive? What?! There was just no way! My mind went back to that terrible night, images that I had tried my hardest to suppress over the last two weeks. I had watched the Volturi rip Edward to shreds. I had watched his face look over toward me one last time before they tackled him. He couldn't be alive. This had to be some very cruel joke.

"Please Bella! Where are you going to go?!" Jasper shouted after me. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe what he was saying.

"Jasper..." I finally stopped a few feet from the front door. "Please, stop this. Just tell me that this is some kind of a joke..."

He shook his head, his lips tightening into a thin line. "I need you to understand, Bella. Keeping this from you was very selfish, and probably very foolish, but--" I again held my hand up to stop him.

"You...You can't be..." The room began spinning, what was going on? Edward was alive...? And I had just...? And Jasper knew this whole time? "This isn't..." I kept trying to form a sentence, but darkness began to blur my vision, and I watched the room begin to shift. I heard air rushing past my ears and felt a shallow thud as strong arms caught me.

And then the world went black.

**Jasper's POV - **

"Alice please!" I begged, "You have to come back. When she wakes up, she's going to want to talk to him right away."

She sighed, "Jasper, that isn't going to fix anything. You've made your bed, now lie in it." I heard her snap the phone shut.

Damn it. I'd really fucked up this time. What was wrong with me? How on Earth did I think that sleeping with her would make everything okay once she found out? I was selfish. My fucking desires hadgotten the better of me. And Bella had paid the price. Of course a girl like Bella couldn't be won over with a good roll in the hay. She wanted more than that. She wanted a _kind_ man, a gentle man, who could give her his heart, and marry her and love her until the end of time. Be completely and utterly devoted to her every move, never leave her side, never make her worry, someone with no unfortunate past, someone with more control...

Someone who was nothing like me.

No, the man that she needed, the man that she deserved, could never be me. Even though I knew now that I loved her, I also knew that I wasn't right for her.

I wouldn't stand in the way of her happiness anymore. If she wanted Edward, she could have him. Even if he was a raving lunatic who would just as soon eat her as look at her. Besides, maybe she could help him regain his memory. Maybe she could have the old Edward back. Maybe they could be happy together and get married and have everything that they both had always wanted...

And me? I'll leave. I'll get as far away from this damn place as I possibly can, and I'll stay there. It would be hard, finally finding happiness...and then leaving it all behind. But I wasn't the noble type. I couldn't just sit by and be happy simply because she was happy. I would leave. And just try my hardest to never hear about her again. I would leave for a hundred years, just to be sure that she was dead and buried and then maybe I'll come back and put some flowers next to her tomb stone.

And Alice? I loved her still, in a different way. Well, in the same way I always had, I loved her like a sister. I hadn't realized that fact until tonight. I had never really felt the pull of romantic love in my life, and now that I finally did feel it, with Bella, I was making plans to move-on and leave it in my past. Just like every other good thing I had ever had.

I picked up the phone again, quickly re-dialing her number, hoping she wouldn't ignore my call.

"What?!" She sounded irritated but not angry enough to ignore my persistent calls. I felt a twinge of thankfulness for Alice not being bitter.

"Listen, I'm going to drop her off at Charlie's. I'll leave her there. I'm sure Edward is listening to every word that I'm saying right now. When you guys come back into town, stop in and say hi to her."

There was a long pause, "Where will you be?" She very nearly whispered.

"I'm leaving. I made a mistake...and I've decided to take myself out of this love triangle. I'm not into all of this."

"You're just going to leave her there? After what you did?" She sounded shocked. I cringed; it was unnerving that Alice knew what had happened here tonight. You would think that I would be used to it after all this time. But I wasn't.

"She doesn't want me Alice, she knows that Edward is alive... There's no way she wants me now." I paused, it didn't seem like enough. "I'm sorry Alice. I'm sorry that I hurt you." I hung up the phone and picked Bella up gently, rubbing my face into her silken hair one last time, trying to file the smell away in my mind. Forever.

**XOXOXO**

**I know many people aren't going to be very happy about this chapter. (Well the part of the chapter after the lemon I mean.) But, it is what it is! **

**I'm leaving again for a week, this time to visit my sister in the U.P. (upper peninsula for you non-Michigan people.) But I think it will take a while for you guys to get those reviews in anyway! Lol. Only two chapters left! Be excited!**

**Thanks for your speedy reviews! I'll keep it small this time and shoot for...275? Thanks! **

**Special thanks to: Satr, just for me, Jacqueline Christine, brooklynsam3, MyManIsJacksonR-JasperW, Jasper's Dark Angel, kiryasdoll, .82, ericsookie4eva, AliceW, BriyerRose, DBM33, LunarEclipse1, I'vebeeninapanic, slashaddict89, iLiya11, lilquackers77, mrsalreyami, Purpleghostflower016, lucinJazz, kaylamarie2012, Krissy7, LoveStoryFan, TwistedforTwilight, Unfeigned, charverv, Merina Green, AriesFireQn, Tweetiebird86, JaspersDestiny, mckennaismyworld, luvmesomejasper and NCChris for reviewing on the last chapter!**

**Yours truly,**

**Nicolette Marie**


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